Ad Nauseum
by John Pearson
This past Sunday, millions of television viewers tuned in to see the most highly anticipated event of the National Football League's season. I understand there was some sort of game going on, but what got everyone's attention was the commercials!
As usual, some were much better than others, but they all had one thing in common -- they each cost their owner around $2 million.
It got me to thinking, if educators had a boatload of money and an insane desire to spend it all in 30 second increments, what sort of ideas might they put forth?
The first thing that sprang to mind was the image of a group of children in white dress shirts -- school uniform -- which have horrible orange stains down the front. One of the children steps forward and suavely says, "When I'm going for that post-lunch, eat-it-or-wear-it, sloppy look, only Hot Cheetos will do." A cartoon Chester Cheetah stands in the corner, silently nodding his approval.
Another commercial might show a teacher utilizing the "trade me your shoe for a pencil" strategy. As the kids can't hurt their pencils, the teacher patiently passes back Nikes, Reeboks, and Adidas shoes. As the last little girl hands over her pencil, the camera pans down to show that she is still wearing both shoes. The teacher smiles approvingly as she reaches behind the desk, picks up the little girl’s baby brother and hands him over. The little girl looks at the camera and says, "NOTHING gets between me and my New Balance!"
The next commercial fades in on a classroom where monkeys are sitting at every desk. It really doesn't matter what product is being advertised here; what's important is that the Super Bowl monkey quota has been filled.
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