Ask the Child Psychologist

School Avoidance

by Lisa Medoff

Dear Dr. Medoff,

It is becoming more and more difficult to get my eleven-year-old son to school in the morning. He will hide under the covers or throw a tantrum, and he even threw up last week when I was trying to get him dressed. What can I do? From, K.

Dear K.,

You and your son are definitely not alone in your struggle about getting to school; most parents will agree that getting their children out of bed and out the door in the morning is not the most pleasant part of the day. However, sometimes the problem becomes more severe than a sleepy, dawdling child. The child strongly resists going to school, becoming extremely emotional, and even physically ill. Just as stress and anxiety can take a physical toll on us as adults, children often truly feel symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches, and are not making them up simply to get a few more minutes of sleep or get out of doing work.

School avoidance is one of the most common childhood problems. Most children experience it at one time or another. Although school avoidance is seen most frequently in early elementary school, it certainly can arise any time during the school years. It is usually triggered by a scary or stressful event, either at school or at home. Have you experienced any recent losses or deaths in the family? Sometimes school avoidance arises because the child is afraid he will lose his parents, as well, and he wants to stay home to keep an eye on them. Another common reason is a troubling incident at school, such as being yelled at by a teacher or being bullied by another student. Therefore, it is important to understand the events that occurred in your child’s life around the time that his difficulty with going to school began.