Ask the Child Psychologist

Spoil Check

by Lisa Medoff

No parent wants to raise a child that is spoiled. All parents would like to know that their children are self-sufficient, polite, and appreciate what they have. However, it is difficult to avoid spoiling your children in a world where temptations (both for your child and for you) lurk everywhere you turn. Temptations that exist in the form of countless advertisements for “must-have” products, the desire to prevent your child from feeling left out or neglected, and the immediate need to just get your kid to stop that whining! However, before you give in to the pull of the immediate gratification of getting your child to be quiet, think about the long-term consequences of what you are doing at this very moment.

It may be a lot easier to buy your child the toy that you swore 20 minutes ago you wouldn’t purchase, no matter what kind of tantrum your child threw in the store. It may be a lot easier to pick up your child’s toys yourself than to spend a half hour prompting her to do it herself. And it may be a whole lot easier to solve your child’s problems for him than it is to teach him how to handle them himself, but when you always do things for your child, you’re not really doing him any favors. You’re inadvertently telling him to repeat the bad behavior again in order to get what he wants.

Is it okay to make life easier for yourself once in a while by giving in and buying that toy or just cleaning up the room yourself? Of course! As long as you establish a general pattern of teaching your child that he does not always get exactly what he wants the minute he wants it, and that he has to learn how to do things on his own, you can avoid raising a spoiled child.