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MooMoo1
MooMoo1 asks:
Q:

My 10year old daughter is lesbian,what can i do?

My daughter is a lesbian.Sometimes i catch her typing in 'sex' or 'naked girls' on her computer.When i tell her to stop she doesn't. She says she has a girlfriend at school. What should i do?
In Topics: Self esteem and identity, Friendships and peer relationships, Cutting
> 60 days ago

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Expert

lkauffman
Mar 10, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Dear MooMoo,

I imagine it must have been very startling to hear your ten-year-old daughter describe herself as a lesbian and express interest in sex with other girls. I think that it is very good that your daughter has felt comfortable sharing her feelings with you and letting you know that she does have a girlfriend at school. It suggests that she feels comfortable with you and the lines of communication are open. So, what to do next?

Depending upon your beliefs and values, you may have different ideas about how to respond to her, but I think that the most supportive response is to let her know that you are glad she shared her feelings with her, you love her no matter what, and you will support her in whatever feelings she has. You can let her know that many people in our society are not comfortable with people who are gay or lesbian and you may sometimes say or do the wrong thing because you know that life is more difficult for homosexuals.

Studies indicate that many kids and teens engage in exploratory sexual behavior with same- and opposite-sex peers. There is a possibility that she may be going through on of these exploratory phases, although there are many, many examples of homosexuals who indicated that they knew at a very young age that they were attracted to same-sex peers. Thus, at this early age, it is difficult to know exactly where your daughter will land with her attraction, but I think that maintaining open and positive communication between the two of you is of great importance.

Finally, I think it is important to consider that ten-years-old is a little young for a child to begin researching sex and naked images. Although many children certainly express romantic interest in peers at this age, I don't see children as interested in the sex piece of romantic relationships as often. Thus, I wonder if she has been exposed to early sexual content through sexually explicit movies, magazines, or conversations with others. It would be worthwhile to ask your daughter what she knows about sex, where she learned about sex, and how much time she spends thinking about it. If she seems preoccupied, you might want to speak with her school counselor to get advice on how to proceed.

I have included a link to an article on talking with your child about sexual orientation below. I have also included a link to PFLAG, which is an organization for LGBT individuals and their families. There are local chapters available where you might be able to get in touch with others who are going, or have gone through, similar situations.

Warm regards,

Laura Kauffman, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
JustAsk Expert
http://www.drlaurakauffman.com/
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Additional Answers (12)

tanya81
tanya81 writes:
I don't think she's a lesbian.  She may just be interested in sex.  When I was her age, I was exposed to a large amount of lesbian porn because my cousin (who is now a lesbian) told me that it was cool, and because I didn't want to look like a goody two shoes, I sat there and watched it with her.  Those traumatic events coupled with the fact that I was not ever called "pretty" and had low self esteem made me think that I should just be a lesbian.  
Maybe she's looking at naked women because she wants to look like them.  Maybe she's trying to get attention from guys by saying she likes girls.  Have you seen the music videos these days?  Being an attractive bisexual woman or lesbian is seen as sexy.  All I'm saying is talk to your girl, and always make sure that she knows she's beautiful. Also, get Net Nanny or download KidZui and make sure that you set it so she cannot close it without a parent typing in a password.  No matter what her sexual orientation is, a 10 year old should not be watching porn or looking at any sexually explicit images.  It's too much for her young eyes and can seriously confuse her.
> 60 days ago

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Karenmom
Karenmom writes:
Interesting question.  I'm a little puzzled about a 10 year old having such independence on the computer or having interest in a sexual preference.  Most girls call their actual friends "girlfriends" it doesn't refer to a romantic interest and although she has a "girlfriend" in school, it wouldn't make a "couple".  Maybe you are drawing the wrong conclusions and are simply confusing her friendship and curiousness.

It's great that you are involved and can openly discuss matters with your daughter, so maybe this is where you need to start.  Discuss these matters, explain how this is inappropriate behavior on the computer and limit or at least monitor her use.  Find out about the "girlfriend" and what their relationship truly is.  Find the source to her curiousness and maybe you can answer her questions instead of her researching the net.

I wish you & your daughter all the best.
> 60 days ago

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cracked
cracked writes:
well sit her down and talk to her about with she says she a lesbian let her go on with her life
> 60 days ago

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Jacov
Jacov writes:
YOU COULD TALK TO HER AND IF SHE SAYS SHE LESBIAN YOU SHOULD BE OK WITH IT BUT TRY TO MAKE HER NOT SEEM THAT WAY DO U KNOW WHAT I MEAN??
> 60 days ago

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kc19325
kc19325 writes:
Well, i think that you should talk to her and make sure she knows what she is talking about. But dont judge her. You dont want to scare her or make her feel that she is doing something rong, because she is not doing something rong. Its in her interrests that if she is a lesbiand or not. She might think that insatting with other females might make her feel like only females in her matting that she needs to be with a female. Dont push her to not be a lesbiand.
> 60 days ago

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WiseOne27
WiseOne27 writes:
Sir/Ma'am,

I am a father with two children (1 son & 1 daughter grown up now.) I went through the same thing with both of my kids. It turned out with my son at that age, it was just an act of attention, however with my daughter, she realized she was gay at an early age and for both situations my wife and I sat down with them and talked to them individually and let them know that no matter who you are or who you prefer, I will always love you and support all of your smart and safe decisions 100%.  Odds are your daughter is acting out for the attention as most ten year olds do, like my son did, but sir/ma'am, in case it isn't attention and your daughter might believe she is gay at an early age, then the only thing you can do is talk to her and tell her that if this is who you really are and who you truly want to be then tell her that you will support her 100% and that you will love her no matter what. Being gay, being attracted to the same sex is not a sickness, it's not a sin...It is a right and a part of that person and destroying that is like destroying a part of your child or destroying someone's faith in their religion, etc.  Hope this helps you sir/ma'am.
> 60 days ago

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haileycolt
haileycolt writes:
There is nothing wrong with her being a Lesbian, if she is happy let her be. Support her in her decisions unless it is hurting her in someway and being attracted to girls and not boys isn't going to hurt her.  Its not something you can change or help its who she is being lesbian isn't something you can "fix" its who your daughter is and all you can do is support her and let her know you love her no matter what.
> 60 days ago

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colbzyquack
colbzyquack writes:
Your 10 year old is curious, she can not comprehend what an adult Lesbian is. She is exploring. If you do not give her boundaries, teach her whats right and whats wrong, she will explore and not know any difference between right and wrong. Perhaps your family needs to find Jesus and possibly join a local church? You have to have family values to teach to your children, this is what prevents these things from happening. And , how about an adult website Lock on the internet ? You tell her to stop and she doesnt? Shes 10? Rip the frigin thing out of the wall and put it on the curb !!!! Dont let her be the boss! Take your stand as parent ! Then figure out how you and her can find some values to embrace for your lives. Blessings .....
> 60 days ago

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colbzyquack
colbzyquack writes:
and everyone else who is saying " its ok if she is, support her ", ect , ect.... It is Not Ok ! God , our Lord and Savior ,created us and sexual relations to be between a man and a women , married. Period. No other way is OK ..... Just because someone is happy , doesnt mean its ok. You can be happy shoplifting and snorting drugs, but that doesnt make it ok ....right ? This whole country needs Values !!! This country needs Jesus ! Our only true King and Savior . Bring yourself to him , believe in him, and your life will improve with loving greatness ! Ive been through all of this as a child and Teen, and Adult. Just saved by Jesus last year ! Thank you Lord ! Lets pray for everyone on here that they will find you Lord , thank you , amen....
> 60 days ago

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kaceysimon80
kaceysimon80 writes:
i think she's just confused you should talk to her about it  and shes to young so she doesn't know if she's lesbian
> 60 days ago

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apirl10
apirl10 writes:
I will give you options:

 1 take her laptop away
 2 take her to a different school
 3 ground her so she does not see anyone
 4 or let her be who she wants to be
> 60 days ago

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helper11
helper11 writes:
well you should tell her that it is ok to have a girlfriend but just don't look up nasty stuff and she could only have sex when she's 15  and older
51 days ago

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