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tas2467
tas2467 asks:
Q:

How to get my 11 & 12 year old sons to stop fighting and acting like 5 year olds.

I am constantly yelling at them and I hate that but they have gotten to where they don't listen to me at all. They are back talking me and they are not bringing homework home so there grades are falling. They are getting into trouble on the bus.. I have taken everything away from them and I don't know what else to do. They are really good kids and smart but this last year as been pure you know what. I am a single mom with no help. I ground them to there rooms and well they sneak into each others rooms and then i hear them either playing or fighting.. I don't know what to do I have no family to help me with them and i am at my wits end.. Please someone give me some suggestions. The back talk is what really gets to me the most and being told to shut up really gets under my skin. If its something really bad like that they go back to their room and they get a spanking but it doesn't help and to me there is no sense in doing it if it isn't going to help..
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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crazypenguingirl
crazypengui... writes:
get you'r mother or sister and teach your kids a lesson and you say if you guys don't stop it i will separate you too and never see each other again
> 60 days ago

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Groozie
Groozie writes:
Talk to the school councelor and ask for their advice and if you have insurance (and the insurance covers it) take them to see a psychologist.  

Spanking isn't going to help at this point (they are just too old) so there's no use in that, sounds like they don't respect you and see you as someone below them.  One thing I always make clear to my children is that I am NOT their equal so don't even try to treat me like one, I'm also not their friend I am their mother and they will treat me with respect.  I also never take their side if they've gotten in trouble at school, there is no excuse for back talk to any adult.  My 10 yr old recently back talked to a teacher at school (which is out of character for him), I made him write a apology letter to the teacher as well as apologize to her face.  I started making my children write apology letters to people they've wronged a few years ago.  My 9 yr old has Asperger's and hates writing them so much that he changed his behaviour and learned to control himself a little better, since he does have Asperger's he does have his "off" days but that is to be expected.

In their apology letters I make them say what it is they did wrong and then say that they are sorry for their misbehaviour and a different way they could have dealt with the situation and a promise to try and use the new method, or try to have more self control.

But seriously seek out counseling, they are the professionals and have a lot of resources that will help as long as you are committed to changing their behaviours.
> 60 days ago

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icdacademy
icdacademy writes:
Hi, to my mind you are very highly sensitive with you children behavior, first you try to little bit satisfy their ego, coz children are very possessive to their belongings, first you apply with younger son because he has little higher bonding with you,make him understand that the elder is good one he will help you in your activities and you have to obey his guidance, in this way elder child feel that I am a good one and younger will feel that mom is with me, so there will not be any big differences in their day to day work, and may get attached to each other, make their hobbies relevant to each other in this way they will learn to work together and  peace prevails... all the best....
> 60 days ago

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icdacademy
icdacademy writes:
Hi, to my mind you are very highly sensitive with you children behavior, first you try to little bit satisfy their ego, coz children are very possessive to their belongings, first you apply with younger son because he has little higher bonding with you,make him understand that the elder is good one he will help you in your activities and you have to obey his guidance, in this way elder child feel that I am a good one and younger will feel that mom is with me, so there will not be any big differences in their day to day work, and may get attached to each other, make their hobbies relevant to each other in this way they will learn to work together and  peace prevails... all the best....
> 60 days ago

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