jrisavy asks:

My 12 year old daughter doesn't have many friends.  Is this normal?

My 12 year old daughter is sweet, funny, and shy.  She has one really good friend that she's comfortable with.  She sits at lunch with some "popular" kids and they all seem to like her but they don't include her when it comes to getting together outside of school.  I think they are a little more outgoing than she is and she may not be totally comfortable with them.  She seems happy staying at home with us and going out with one good friend every so often (when I push her).  Is this normal?  Or is she missing out on something?  She will get invited when there's a big party but never when a few of them get together on the weekend.  She also does not reach out to any of them.
In Topics: Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago



Dec 15, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Your daughter sounds like a great girl. Any one who has "one really good friend" has a treasure. And the fact that she is liked and accepted by other kids who include her at lunchtime (often the loneliest time for kids who have difficulty fitting in) tells me that she's doing just fine. Your daughter has a close friend, is accepted by others, gets invited to parties and is happy being with her family.  Maybe your worry comes from the fact that when you were her age you were more outgoing than she is. Or maybe you were "shy" and wished you were more outgoing so now, as the parent, you see her shyness as a problem. There is not "problem" here. My best advice is for you to relax. Your daughter has friends and knows how to be a good friend.  Let her know that you have no worries about her and that when it comes to friendship, quality is more important than quantity.
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