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proudmomof2boys
proudmomof2... asks:
Q:

My 12 year old son was tied up, pantsed, and had objects stuck between his butt cheeks by two peers. He is devastated. Should we press charges?

Two of my 12 year old son's supposed friends tied him up, pulled down his pants and stuck a changer and a pretzel between his butt cheeks and also pulled his hands away when he was trying to cover his privates. He is struggling with this. So are we. Should we press charges or how should we handle this? One of the boys is the son of a respected H.S. coach and teacher, our older son is one of his players/students. The bullying continues at school. How do we handle this?
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Baby-raccoon
Baby-raccoon writes:
I would press charges because that is abuse in school and school is supposed to be a safe place to be. No one should be feeling unsafe in school. It's hard enough to keep grades up and be sure you are doing things you are supposed to instead of being scared to come to school because of bullying.
> 60 days ago

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mferg027
mferg027 writes:
My recommendation for you is to take your son out of the school he is in, immediately! The faculty staff does not care about your son's well being at all. He is just a number for income in the school. Throughout your experience with talking with the teachers and principle for incidences in the past, I am one hundred percent sure they told you that they would take care of the situation and take corrective measures of the bullying because that is intolerable in that school and that they do not promote violence. But should you decide to take your child out of school, you will start to hear different types of explanations on why you should not take him out of that school. I too had a son in school being bullied, getting jumped on by multiple students because he was bigger than the average boy. Anyways, I took him out and now am homeschooling him, fortunately my wife is helping and is good at it. We had no idea how to do it or where to start, but we managed to get started and found out that the school was not teaching him much at all, in fact he was going to school just worrying about being bullied instead of his academics and future. I wish you and your son the best of luck and hopefully you take care of the situation, no matter what your decision might be, for your son's sake.
> 60 days ago

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avidal
avidal writes:
So sorry. School bullies suck .This crosses the line for me. I would contact school, press charges and homeschool. I would also seek counseling for him. Sounds to me like it will not stop and could get worse. Why subject your child to this? If he were treated like this out of school you would get him out of the situation. There are so many homeschooling options.
> 60 days ago

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JamielaIsmail
JamielaIsmail , Teacher writes:
I am so sorry to hear that no one is wanting to help at the school.  I strongly urge you to take him out of the school and report the school to the state's eduction authorities. YOU NEED TO PRESS CHARGES ASAP!  Otherwise those brats are going to continue with others and then that boy/girl might commit suicide.  They deserve to be taught a lesson.  Perhaps now is the chance to do home schooling.  Please send him for some therapy so that his self esteem and worth can be improved because constant bullying is detrimental to his psyche.    
Please let me know the outcome of what you chose to do.  Be strong and I wish you both well.
> 60 days ago

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robcrisaaiden
robcrisaaiden writes:
Being the parent you know what is the best for your child for safety, mental health, education, and future. If you choose to homeschool (I'm a homeschooling mom of 3) I suggest you contact HSLDA (www.hslda.org) in regards to advice for the bullying, how to get started with homeschool. They can give you more information regarding local and state groups, and they are legal representation for homeschoolers.  I would also recommend for you to Google information regarding it. Prayers for your family!
> 60 days ago

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Teena01
Teena01 writes:
It's a difficult situation, there's no doubt about that, but in my opinion you should seek medical attention for your son and legal advise ASAP. Children need to feel protected and safe.  Everyone involved needs to know this is not ok before they do the same thing or worse to someone else. Something like this can make a child feel very vulnerable and can spiral into who knows what later on in life. I would definitely address this.
> 60 days ago

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DeannaJoPhil-tx
DeannaJoPhi... writes:
Yes!
> 60 days ago

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fourgirls4us
fourgirls4us writes:
OMG YES! We use to live in Oregon where one kid just slapped the other kid on the butt and it went to court and turned into a huge thing, now that was wrong! But your child may be humiliated and scarred for life from this! These kids need to be expelled and their parents need to make SURE they apologize! I pulled my 4 kids out of public school and home school since 4 weeks and I can't tell you how WONDERFUL things are now. My oldest (10) has mild Aspergers and she was ALWAYS being bullied and the butt of everyone's jokes, she is brilliant but suffered so at school. My kindergartner made herself sick over how her TEACHER was treating her, we had to go to several doctors and specialist she became so ill. Now things are so much better. We have fun, it's stress free and the children BEG me to never send them back! Good luck and DO NOT let this go. Go to your local school board at the very least and see an attorney just for advice.
> 60 days ago

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EricaYelder
EricaYelder , Teacher writes:
I am so sorry that this happened to your son. Talk to your son and ask him how he wants to handle it. If he doesn't want to have a meeting ask him what does he want to do because the bullying won't stop until he wants to take action. If he doesn't take action, you will have to. My first thought was to schedule a meeting with the principal, the other children and their parents because it seems it has gone too far. Definitely find out how your son wants and feels and how he wants to handle it. Hope this helps!
> 60 days ago

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ElizabethLeRoy
ElizabethLe... writes:
Wow, schools really haven't changed. First of all I am so sorry for the trauma you and your son are going though.

Have you talked to the school principal? Counselor? Other school staff? When and where did this take place? Before school? After? At gym?

Most certainly you should have you son seek some counseling. I might advice that you discuss with him/her if it is best to press charges or how to handle it. My gut reaction is to say of course you should! But there are a lot of details I don't know.

If the abuse continues to happen even after you have sought the help of the school, then changing schools would probably be the best solution for your son. Again, talk to your son's counselor. With limited information it is difficult at best to give anything more than a knee jerk reaction.

And although it is not a popular idea now, it might be a good idea to teach your son how to fight. He should never start fights but as far as I am concerned if someone is violating him he should know how to defend himself.

Best of luck to you and your son.
> 60 days ago

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Homeschoolmomof348
Homeschoolm... writes:
I don't care who the parents of the kids are. How dare they do that to someone? What kind of parents do they have? My child would never even think of something so sick. What do those kids see at home that would make that okay. It starts at home with those parents. Did this happen at school? If so, why did the school not take action and remove the kids from school? I know my kids are the most important things in the world to me so it can be very simple to make things more than they are. So before I act on it I ask myself, if they were adults and this happened would the person be arrested? Would this be assault? YES! If you had done this to your child, would it have been abuse? YES! Did this leave your son with an emotional scar? YES! Start with the kids and parents (and  school if needed) if they don't take it seriously then you must handle it for the sake of your child. Pray and see what your heart tells you. It sounds like your son is very upset. It may help him to see that they did not get away with it. I am so sorry that happened to your son. It breaks my heart. I would flip out! Bullying and teasing should not be okay EVER! If they will do this to your son, what else could they come up with?
> 60 days ago

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2006Parent
2006Parent writes:
Your child was violently assaulted, humiliated, and sexually harrassed/assaulted. It does not matter who the perpetrators are connected to or who they are, press charges with local police, report to school authorities to include principal and district administration, and call child protective services to report the abuse of a minor. If there is a school social worker, guidance counselor, or school psychologist, let them know of the incident. Seek counseling services for your child at the school or in the community. All teachers on your child's schedule and adults who are supervising areas of the school where your child will be located (e.g., cafeteria, playground, bus) should be notified of the incident and requested to watch your child for your child's safety and welfare. After each bullying incident, record/document, and repeat above. If bullying continues, change schools. If open enrollment is not allowed in your area and it is too expensive to enroll at a private school, ask the school district for a boundary exception for you to have your child enrolled at a different school due to the bullying. If there is no cooperation, you might have to hire an attorney.
> 60 days ago

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moongloom
moongloom writes:
Yes, absolutely this is unacceptable. Press charges against the bullies and the school for allowing it.

I don't care who the parent of one of the boys is. The "respected" coach should be fired unless he takes immediate action. The kids should face criminal charges if they are old enough. The school should pay damages as should the parents of the bullies.
> 60 days ago

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Jiff
Jiff , Student writes:
You should TOTALLY press charges. Your son is hurting! You should totally tell someone, not just put it aside. That is just mean! At my school, I would get a month of ISS (in school suspension).
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> 60 days ago

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pams625
pams625 writes:
Oh my goodness...what they did to him was beyond horrible.  It is sick and twisted.  Did anyone else witness it???  My grandaughter's principal has said that unless an adult hears her being bullied, they won't do anything.  I don't get it.  Are they leaving him alone now?  I think I would go to the police because this was a sexual assault.  Good luck and I am praying for you and your family
> 60 days ago

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Valesa
Valesa writes:
Press charges! These children need to be taught a life lesson.
> 60 days ago

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Wayne Yankus
Wayne Yankus writes:
Take a breath and think this one through. Yes, it is bullying.  Yes, there is nothing more humiliating for an early pubertal or prepubertal  boy to be pantsed, and yes, inserting anything into the buttocks (no matter how far) can be rape in some states. the division of youth and family services may get involved and should. did this happen on school property?

Concerning the incident. Report it to the police at the meeting you will have with the superintendent of schools. make that meeting and make your intentions clear. Include the offending parents.  Then have a meeting of all parties (kids) with a counselor at a neutral site for a prepared apology to your son.

Don't promote victimization for your son. He needs to live in this world and your community.  Be supportive of him. The offenders will not go away unless you move away which is unrealistic.

Bullies need and audience to have power and this should spark school discussion among middle schoolers of actions and consequences. Your parents can't always save you from consequences under the law.

Promote resilience for your son in however you see it working.  work on peer groups and friend-building for him.

Best wishes. It will get better.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
pediatric expert panelist
> 60 days ago

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dabunnywabbit
dabunnywabbit writes:
1st: I would most definitely press charges against these young boys...especially since one of the boys has a father who is in the public eye, and involved in HS coaching of sports activities. There is a definite pattern here that someone has missed, and that is what has been going on with this son and his father that he would act this way towards another classmate...even calling him a friend. Friends don't act this way towards friends. Just doesn't happen in the real world. The same goes with the other classmate. Something is definitely wrong in the home for them to do this.
2nd: I would take this to the school board immediately, and have the coach brought up on review also...this is something the school board needs to know all about. NEVER withhold anything like this from them...as it could have already happened to many others before your son...and NO ONE has been strong enough to bring it out into the public. Your son is devastated...just as a young girl would be if raped or groped by a classmate...this should NEVER be hidden from the school board or police authorities.
3rd: The 'so-called friends' should have strong counseling, as your son should also. Be sure and choose someone you can trust...as your pastor or one that your son would feel comfortable with...that is very important!!!!
4th: Just because your son is a player for this coach doesn't mean you should allow this to be swept under the carpet. That's the problem with today...people are afraid of offending someone in a leadership position. Which is more important to you...your son and his emotional condition? or the coach's job.. and reputation...he has to be able to face that his son is doing something illegal and that should be addressed right away...how will he do this...IF no one brings his son's behaviour out into the open? You MUST think only of your son right now...and bring this out into the open. Bullying is bullying...in any form...and your son will love you all the more for siding with him...even IF he might be embarrassed by bringing this out into the open.
5th: You will have peace of mind and heart that you have done the best thing in this situation...and might even save another child from going through what your son has already gone through.

I was bullied from 3rd grade up to 5th grade..then attended 7th grade in a whole new school...so bullying stopped there. I hated the person that did this to me daily...and I never told my folks...I just took it...but it was only name calling. This is bodily hurting...and it shouldn't be allowed to happen to anyone!!! EVER!!!! Please bring this out in the open...press charges, and also bring it to the attention of the school board...especially since it involves the coaches son!!!!
> 60 days ago

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marnicmen
marnicmen writes:
I am so sorry that this happened to your son. I highly recommend that you press charges. What these boys did is unacceptable. Make no mistake that they committed a crime of battery and sexual assault and need to be punished. If your other sons coach begins to treat your other son differently because of the charges, report it to the school and if necessary bring charges against him as well for harassment. Your son needs to know that this was not his fault and that when someone hurts him he has options to protect himself. These boys need to pay for their crime and learn that there are consequences for their actions. Hopefully by learning this now it will prevent them from hurting another child in the future. Good luck and God bless.
> 60 days ago

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Johnna_005
Johnna_005 writes:
yes you should press charges.
> 60 days ago

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