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Stue
Stue asks:
Q:

My 12 yr old son has had dreams about gay guys and now he can't get it out of his head. He is afraid he is going to be gay. He feels sick about it.  

After seeing an episode of Glee where 2 guys were kissing, my son has had dreams about gay guys. He has had dreams that guys were calling him gay and a dream that he told me he was gay and that I hated him for it. He went over 2 weeks of complaining about stomach aches & headaches before he finally talked to me and told me what he was feeling. He says he can not stop thinking about it. He thinks he will be gay. He says he does not want to be gay. And recently he confided in me about getting tingling feelings in his privates when he thinks about it. I told him that is just a reaction from what his brain is thinking. I keep reassuring him that he has done nothing wrong and to put his faith in God to help, but I need some advice on what I should be saying to him. He has been reduced to tears several times. I hate seeing him this way. He is withdrawn at times and it scares me. Please help me help him.
In Topics: Teen issues, Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Wayne Yankus
Aug 23, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Dear Stue:

As you have already done, be reassuring about the fact that 12 year olds in puberty experience all sorts of feelings and question their gender identity, and that would be a normal part of growing up.   However, some boys and girls begin to obsess about these feelings.  If he is still so concerned, it may be worth asking your pediatrician if there is someone he can talk with. Also recognize that he may have had these feelings before and he is testing the waters with you as his mother to see what the acceptance level will be. Listen, reassure, don't be judgemental, and keep talking.

Best wishes to both of you.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics

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Additional Answers (2)

JeanneBrockmyer
JeanneBrock... writes:
Your son is lucky to have a concerned mom who does not freak out about this question! At his age, many children, boys and girls. have a variety of thoughts about sexuality.  Sometimes they are disturbing, especially if they involve thoughts about homosexuality.  It is possible that he is telling you about normal, exploratory, ideas that can be uncomfortable.  If this is the case, and you are as accepting and mellow as you seem in your question, they will fade in time.  The other possibility is that this has been a question for him for a while.  In that case he may be persistent in expressing concerns about being gay.  If that happens, try to be receptive to his questions.  Listen to your own feelings and if you are getting out of your comfort zone, talk to his pediatrician or family doctor to get a professional involved.  

Jeanne H. Brockmyer, Ph. D.
education.com expert clinical child psychologist
> 60 days ago

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haileycolt
haileycolt writes:
the best thing you can do is just support him right now. sit down and have a conversation with him and tell him that even if he is gay you will still love him and that there is NOTHING wrong with being gay. many kids and even adults are afraid to accept who they are because society tells them what they are is wrong, give him an environment where he can discover himself with out judgment.
> 60 days ago

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