Stue asks:

My 12 yr old son has had dreams about gay guys and now he can't get it out of his head. He is afraid he is going to be gay. He feels sick about it.  

After seeing an episode of Glee where 2 guys were kissing, my son has had dreams about gay guys. He has had dreams that guys were calling him gay and a dream that he told me he was gay and that I hated him for it. He went over 2 weeks of complaining about stomach aches & headaches before he finally talked to me and told me what he was feeling. He says he can not stop thinking about it. He thinks he will be gay. He says he does not want to be gay. And recently he confided in me about getting tingling feelings in his privates when he thinks about it. I told him that is just a reaction from what his brain is thinking. I keep reassuring him that he has done nothing wrong and to put his faith in God to help, but I need some advice on what I should be saying to him. He has been reduced to tears several times. I hate seeing him this way. He is withdrawn at times and it scares me. Please help me help him.
In Topics: Teen issues, Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago



Wayne Yankus
Aug 23, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Dear Stue:

As you have already done, be reassuring about the fact that 12 year olds in puberty experience all sorts of feelings and question their gender identity, and that would be a normal part of growing up.   However, some boys and girls begin to obsess about these feelings.  If he is still so concerned, it may be worth asking your pediatrician if there is someone he can talk with. Also recognize that he may have had these feelings before and he is testing the waters with you as his mother to see what the acceptance level will be. Listen, reassure, don't be judgemental, and keep talking.

Best wishes to both of you.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics

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