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amandarose
amandarose asks:
Q:

my 12 yr old son is looking at online porn and was caught once and took it away then gave it back and caught him again

In Topics: Children and the internet, Teen sexuality and dating, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 24, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

It can be very stressful for parents when they discover that their teen is looking at on-line porn. I'm sure you're very concerned that you've caught your son not once, but twice.

Especially at the age of 12, remember that a certain amount of curiosity is very normal for your son. It can feel a bit awkward, but try to sit down with your son and talk with him about normal sexual feelings for someone his age. If he would be more comfortable, ask a positive male role model to talk to him such as an uncle, father, or male school counselor. Emphasize to him that it's OK to be curious, but that the images he sees on the internet are not accurate of what all women look like. Let him know that it's not OK to continue to look at those images on a regular basis.

It's difficult to control the internet everywhere your son has access to it, but to ensure that he's not looking at on-line porn in your home keep the computer in a central location such as the kitchen and only allow him access to it at certain times like when you are cooking dinner. Don't forget that in addition to restricting his internet access that it is equally as important that you explain to him why it's not OK to look at porn. Sometimes parents get too focused on the punishment and don't take the time to talk through the problem. Give him some time to still be a curious kid, but at the same time teach him what it means to be a man.

Good Luck!
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (11)

jirwin
jirwin writes:
This is a very common issue to have to deal with.  Here is someone else who had a very similar question to you:

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sheyzok
sheyzok writes:
One answer.... Puberty.... its normal... all kids that are 12 old search for it, Its a fase. dont take it away. why is it that you dont want your kid to look at it? whats so wrong? he is almost teen u gotta let him do it even tho its hard...
> 60 days ago

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Princeton Mum
Princeton Mum writes:
keep all computers in a central area. Create your own password and sign in for him for his homework only. Keep password a secret. Talk at length to him about puberty and the natural feelings of curiosity but how doing what he is a danger to himself from computer hackers and his reputation in and out of school.
> 60 days ago

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ptina
ptina writes:
if you trust him know that he wont go out and have sex
> 60 days ago

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teachufu
teachufu writes:
Recommend that YOU need to get and read the book; LOVE and LOGIC. Do NOTHING else until you finish it!

So many parents are to exhausted to Parent. The short term gain is potentially irreversible consequences. A tear to today (saying no, not being strong, making the brush their teeth, go to bed, do their homework, tell the truth) for a lifetime of laughter and joy.... The alternative is horrible. Parent is not a game of chance. Its a moral, spiritual obligation.

A.S.A.P! Maybe spend more time with your child getting to know and understand his personal challenges helping him make better choices based on your family values... BEST of LUCK to you!
> 60 days ago

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missk
missk writes:
I would tell my son that whilst porn is ok in some respects, the internet is not the place to be viewing it.

The problem is you have no way of knowing if the actors are over 18 or not, and one wrong click and then the police will come and take your computer away for analysing, and you will most likely face criminal charges.

Better to buy him some magazines and/or some sort of tasteful movie that has a more realistic portrayal of sex.

Remember, he is experiencing puberty and will be curious. The best thing you can do for him for both now and for his future relationships, is to talk to him about sex and let him know how to handle himself in a mature fashion.
> 60 days ago

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New'New
New'New , Student writes:
Take it away for GOOD he needs to learn that it is not ok for him to look at unclothed women! He will get the picture Nup it in the Bud or he will keep thinking it's ok
> 60 days ago

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porn-blocker
porn-blocker writes:
SysFix IT Support, an IT Support company in London has a great article about Porn Blocking software that blocks your child from accessing adult websites.

http://www.sysfix.co.uk/2010/08/porn-blocker-how-to-block-porn/

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Marebear
Marebear , Student writes:
Boys at that age are curious about girls. They begin to, well, do what your son was doing. You did the right thing by taking away his computer privledges. Below I've listed some tips that could be useful to you.
     1. Only have one user name on the computer so you can see the browsing history for everyone. This could help your son realise that he will get caught no matter what.
    2. Customize the search settings on the internet. You can block websites and block results with inappropriate images and links through search engines.
    3. Have your husband talk to your son. He's probably embarrassed to talk to you about this. Your husband would understand and help your son feel more comfortable about talking about his "problem".
   4. Go through all the magazines in the house before your son comes home from school. Most boys look for sexual things through magazines as well as the computer. Make sure all the girls are dressed appropriately in the magazines, before your son looks at them.
                All boys go through this phase. It's also a sign of puberty. You also need to have your husband explain to your son that watching porn is wrong. He simply isn't allowed to do things like that. I hope this helps!
> 60 days ago

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feliciaky
feliciaky writes:
boys are def curious at that age...something you can do is put up a website block on any site you dont want him to be able to get into. at least until he understands that it is not something you approve of.
> 60 days ago

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BruceFord
BruceFord writes:
I know the situation, I caught my 11 year old cousin watching it in his room(I am 14). He was masturbating, we then had a bit of a talk. These years are when boys start getting curious, when I was in school that was all we ever talked about. It is natural for boys, they have raging hormones at this age, I know I did, I would sit down and have a talk with him, and just ask him about his reasoning. I would not punish him, but I would give him a warning, trust me it is natural for most boys to look at this stuff. When I was 10, I used to sneak into my uncle's room and watch this kind of stuff.
> 60 days ago

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