Help with 12yo daughter... Again!

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sophie.a asks:

For those who haven't read my previous question:

http://www.education.com/question/12yo-daughter...

Ok, so I got my daughter help and she has been fine, not cutting herself, not sleeping around, hardly ever lying...

I came home early yesterday after noon and I found my daughter crying... Immediately, after last time- I went to check what was up, she informed me that her best friend (who she WAS hanging out with during the time period of my last question) had just committed suicide. AGAIN. I have no idea what I am to do.... Her counsellor is booked for the next 3 months, and she refuses to speak to anyone else. Am I just to stand here and watch my baby girl cry so much her whole body shakes?

I really need support here!

Please help- and thanks for your answers... It is REALLY appreciated.

In Topics: Teen issues, Children and stress

> 60 days ago

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Feb 27, 2012

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What the Expert Says:

Experiencing the loss of a loved one really is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through...your daughter is definitely going through a very upsetting time right now, which is why it is so wonderful that you're wanting to help her as best you can.

For a better understanding of what she is experiencing, check out this link on grief, its stages, and characteristics: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/DiscoverIt/Articles/Pages/DealingWithGrief.aspx

If you can't get her into see this counselor, the best thing you can do for your daughter is to continue being a strong, steady source of support and comfort for her. Offer to listen when she wants to talk. While you don't want to pressure her into doing more than she is comfortable with, you definitely don't want to let her shut herself down completely. Encouraging her to continue doing the things she normally would (school, work, extra-curricular activities, etc.) can help keep her motivated and socially active.

It might also help to encourage your daughter to channel her emotions in a healthy way. Starting up a diary, creating a scrapbook, writing poems, and writing song lyrics are all healthy ways your daughter could express those feelings she has inside. Don't allow her to bottle those feelings up inside, as this will just drag her down even further.

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Additional Answers (4)

cecedolphin writes:

Have you told the counselor about her best friend committing suicide? If you did and they won't see her, you need to find another one? Does she have a favorite teacher at school or another parent she can talk to? How long has she been seeing this counselor? Do you think he/she is helping? A counselor is supposed to be there especially if the child is in desperate need.

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ahli writes:

This needs to be known by the counsler. If they dont have time they need to make it. What if your kid tried to talk to the counsler but the counsler told the kid that they were to busy.

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sophie.a writes:

Thanks for your answers. She has decided to open up to a teacher at school... But she still won't talk to anyone else. She has even stopped talking to her counsellor!
Not only do I have her not talking to her counsellor when I beg for them to make time to see her, I also have the teacher calling me all the time telling me she doesn't feel qualified enough to help! What am I supposed to do?

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sallen608 writes:

This is very difficult for an adult to handle, so I could only imagine what is going through your daughter's head. First, I would let her know that it is okay to cry because she misses her friend. She is probably also experiencing other emotion such as anger because her friend left her and confused because she can't understand why her friend would take her life. As a mom, I would try to get her to express how she is feeling. It is not a time for judging her friend for what she did, but letting your daughter know that if she ever feels a little depressed or low come talk to you about what's going on in her life. Let your daughter know that you can be there to just listen.

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