13 y/o son being bullyied at school and won't point out the bully's!!

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MarcW0813 asks:

My son is 13 and in Jr. high and is has not hit his growth spurt yet so he is small for his age. The other night he was getting ready for bed and started crying and telling my wife he did not want to go to school. He stated he was being threatened by a student. The student held my son over the side of the stairs and said he was going to kill him if he told on him, Called him a fag and a piece of sh@t. My wife called me I work nights and told me the story. I went into the Asst. Principal and we called my son in. He told the story and stated he did not no the student and could not discribe the student. He did state 2 names of students he states saw it happen. I took my son out in the hallway before I left school and he pleaded for me to take him home and "That he was scared to stay in school". After calming him down I was able to leave him at school. The Asst. Principal called me this morning and stated he talked to the students that my son says saw the event and they both denied seeing anything. I have yet to talk to my son again about. I honestly believe something happened and he is very afraid to tell me. I have a feeling it has been going on for awhile, he grades are going down and he is very depressed. I am very afraid for him. How can I get my son to talk?

In Topics: Working with school administrators, Bullying and teasing

> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline

Feb 17, 2012

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What the Expert Says:

We're so sorry to hear what's going on with you and your son. What your son described -- with the bully holding him over the stairs -- is really terrifying. It makes sense that he's afraid to talk about who the bully is. That could also be (obviously) why the two witnesses claimed they knew nothing.

One thing you could try is being very straightforward with him. Tell him that you and the school want him to be safe, but there's only so much you can do when you don't know who the bully is. It's very important that he give you all the information he has so both you and the school can keep him safe. You can also point out that if this bully is doing these things to him, he's probably doing them to other kids. If one of the victims has the courage to speak out, he can help all the others, too.

Good luck!

MKM, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

Resources:

http://www.BoysTown.org/

http://www.Parenting.org/

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karah_suann writes:

I have never been in this situation before but I have had a best friend commit suicide do to bullying. Tell him that the bully wants him to be afraid. I would home school him for a while or switch schools. Tell him that you need the bully's names and tell him it is not an option. Ask the principal if there are cameras and have them rewind and review and see if they caught the bullies. Take your son to a place he feels safe and talk to him there. Let him know that everything is going to be okay and not to give up. Tell him there are other ways out of this. Ask him if the 2 people that witnessed it are friends with the bully if they are then they need to be reported as well. Tell your son to look at his yearbook and point it out to you of who done it and have him circle the names so he isn't directly telling you who done it. Explain to your son that what the bully is doing is wrong and that they won't get by with it. Let him know that your there for him and it's your job to protect him and that you're going to do everything you can to make him feel safe again. The bullies will get charged with harrassment and terroristic threatening. I hope the absolute best for you...

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