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Robinof2boys
Robinof2boys asks:
Q:

My 13 y.o son gets mad if we discipline him when he does not do his homework, and then will dig his feet in and refuse to to go to school the next day. Help!

My son(13 y.o and in 8th grade) has missed so much school because of this. He is home today AGAIN, because last night he would not finish his homework so we took away computer privileges and he dug his feet in today and said he is not going to school because of what we did last night. So he is in his room with no TV and no comp. We have tried compromises and he will stick with them for a day or two and than feel that he is entitled to computer time no matter what. He struggles in school because of the missed academics of that day. I will say he has missed about 15 days doing this, not to mention sick days that even if he has a small headache and refuses to go. He knows it works and it is getting worse. He is to strong to get up and dress and we don't want to do battle with him. Battle does not work. It is not about school, it is about being the only power he has over us. He wants to go to school but uses this as a consequence on us. He also feels that school is unimportant. Our other son is in HS and in honors and AP classes and misses maybe one day a year if that. No matter our issues, which are few with him, he goes to school and understands the importance of a good education. He is 16. However at 13(7th grade) he also gave us some problems, but still always went to school. He said after not doing all his homework he learned his lesson and in 8th grade got back on track. When he gets mad(my 13 y.o) he threatens to hit us and if we grab him he does.
In Topics: School and Academics, Teen issues, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

BarbK
Feb 24, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

You obviously care about your son and only want the best for him.  Here are just a couple of ideas to keep in mind.

Try working with the school.  If your son's school has a resource officer, maybe he can have a chat with him.  Also, set up a conference with his teachers and guidance counselor.  They might be able to give you additional information that helps to complete the puzzle.

If you or your husband have health insurance, check to see if there is an employee assistance program.  This usually includes the immediate family.  Family counseling or individual counseling could be available.  It might only take a session or two to get to the bottom of things.

Chances are he will grow out of this phase, but you're doing the right thing by staying on top to things.

Good luck!

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Additional Answers (1)

Loddie1
Loddie1 , Parent writes:
I use a behavior incentive to sometimes motivate my little girl to do what I am needing her to do. Its been a good thing so far. What you can do is order a catalog (I have one called Mindware, but it can be anything you think he would enjoy looking through). I then have printed off a blank calendar for that month and if she does all her work for the day she gets a "P" for pass or "f" for fail. She can't get more than 2 "f's" in a month or she does not get the item she picked out in the catalog. Right now she is working for a rainbow projector light. All the items in Mindware have to do with education and are fun. So it helps you and the child succeed. I have given the link below for the Mindware catalog and since he is 13, he may like more challenging scientific items. Good Luck! Main thing is to be consistent with whatever you choose to do. Always remember to order the item if he does his part, otherwise, you have lost his trust and respect and the behavior will come back.

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