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SeaStar
SeaStar asks:
Q:

Should a 13 year old boy be allowed to dated a girl that has been abusive?

My 13 year old neighbor is now dating a girl that is known to be trouble.  When he attended a party, not to long ago, the girl for no reason kicked the boy once in the private parts and when he fell to the ground, she ran up to him and kicked him again in the same area.  She then scratched him, he has a nice scar from the incident and mumbled some profanity in his ear. He suffered from pain for about a week from this incident.  This same girl is known to have many boyfriends for all the wrong reasons.  She is known to have 'cat-fights' with girls.   His mother's thought is, she is going to give him a little rope and hope he doesn't hang himself.  The boy is known to be impulsive and sometimes lie, but his mom rescues him by making excuses and blaming others.  Neither parent can maintain a consequence.  He'll have his cell phone returned way before he has paid for whatever he did wrong.  I want to offer advice but I'm afraid she'll find me old fashioned.
In Topics: Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Wayne Yankus
Apr 15, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

As a friend I would share what you know with out the expectation that anything may change.  Clearly as you describe her, this is a troubled child who is in need of supervision.  13 year old boys are generally new at dating if at all and this is probably not where and with whom he should start.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics

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Additional Answers (2)

Skyflowers101
Skyflowers101 , Student writes:
DO NOT DATE HER!
> 60 days ago

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Karenmom
Karenmom writes:
Hi SeaStar,

It's thoughtful of you to be so concerned about the well being of your neighborhood children, but this is a sensitive matter that may be best left to the parents of the children involved to work through on their own.

I personally feel that 13 is too young to date and for obvious reasons have a difficult time understanding how a 13 year old boy, with no job, no driver's license, no car is dating at all.  I also don't understand what kind of parties these children are attending and it seems to me that neither child has had proper parenting or good examples set for their behavior.

I understand that it must be hard for you to sit idly by and watch these children's lives go to waste, and it is not old fashioned thinking, it's values, morals and common sense.   Offering your opinion and advice would probably be useless in these matters as it doesn't appear that the parents' have any reasonable judgment.

I've included some links with information that you may find helpful and there may some ways that will help you to make a "friendly" difference without offending anyone.  Sometimes, we can be more helpful by not offering advice, but by setting examples.

Hope this helps and I hope that these children will get their lives on track and you can find peace with their decisions!

Best Wishes!

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