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kaszucker
kaszucker asks:
Q:

13 year old boy with no friends. What should we do?

My 13 year old son is in eighth grade and has no friends. This situation has existed for years. He is a personable child who is a good student but simply never gets an invitation or a phone call. He is not on any team sports but does take Tennis lessons. He is really into technology and enjoys figuring out complex programs. He seems happy and gets along well with his younger 6 year old brother. Nevertheless, my husband and I feel he is missing out on a whole part of his life. We try to encourage him to invite people over but he really resists. What should we do???
In Topics: Parenting / Our Family, Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Dr.Monika
Oct 23, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Social development is definitely an important part of adolescent life.  To help your son find friends, search for community programs that will help your son develop his interests while meeting peers.  Also, since your son resists inviting people over, you may want to have an honest discussion with him about it.  What is he afraid of?  Why doesn't he want anybody over?  When you find a reason, you might find a solution.

Suggested readings:

Milestones of adolescence

http://pluggedinparents.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=350&Itemid=201&ed=28

Talk to your adolescent

http://pluggedinparents.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=376&Itemid=201&ed=28

How to talk to your teen about relationships

http://pluggedinparents.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=400&Itemid=201&ed=28

Best regards.
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Additional Answers (4)

mleano8
mleano8 , Student writes:
The suggestion I have is maybe use your son's interest as a tool to making friends. You might be able to suggest going to after-school computer programming clubs, groups, or classes.  Maybe if he were to meet people who share a common interest with him, he may feel more inclined to open up and make friends. You might also try and see if he would be willing to take on a doubles partner for tennis. If he's up for it, it's a great way to build chemistry and camaraderie fairly quickly with another person. This could even lead up to consistently practicing against other doubles partners or at least being introduced to other tennis enthusiasts.

In any case, I think using your son's hobbies as a way to meet people might be the best bet. Who knows, maybe he meets a group of fellow computer programmers and they start the next billion-dollar social networking site....does that mean I'll get a cut? Haha, Good Luck!
> 60 days ago

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Totaltutor
Totaltutor writes:
My co host Adam suggested he should get involved in extra curricular activities after school. he will meet people who have the same interest.

For information on my answer go to www.blogtalk.com/totaltutor
> 60 days ago

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save
save writes:
Join Karate
> 60 days ago

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MillstoneTeacher
MillstoneTe... writes:
You can do a few things. Create the opportunities for him. Get him on a Tennis team.  Also, and most importantly he sounds like my boys, they had more interests than the majority of kids today. When my son started private high school, of better academic expectations, he told me the first week that he felt like he was with kids more like him. I moved my other son before Middle school to a private one and just the smaller classes alone made him feel like he fit in and he made many friends. Sounds like he does;t have much in common with the kids in his school. He may not the run of the mill kid which is a blessing.
> 60 days ago

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