what do i do when my 13year old daughter won't go to school?

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misspiggy asks:

We are having problems getting her into school and it is proving to be very difficult as we have authorities involved and it is having no effect, She also has learning difficulties and has attachment disorder. We do not know what else to try as school is trying everything possible but her attitude to people and school is not good.

In Topics: School and Academics, Special needs

> 60 days ago

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BarbK

Jun 27, 2010

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What the Expert Says:

13 is a tough age even if everything is prefect. I'm sorry to hear that you daughter is having a more difficult time than most, but she is lucky to have you there to help and support her.

Can you give us a little more information about why she says she doesn't want to go to school? Is if because of her learning disabilities, a teacher, a bully, the classes? How is she in other situations such as going with you to run errands, church, grandparents' house? Does she put up the same kind of fight? How is she in social situations - with people she knows and those she doesn't know? Does she have any close friends?

I'm glad the school is working with you. Are they offering any help over the summer? Do they have a counseling program? It does sound like your daughter could benefit from professional counseling. You can also check with your health insurance company to see what is covered for her. Also, many communities have services for families that qualify.

You may also what her to have a physical. Since she is going through puberty, there could be an imbalance. Her doctor could run simple blood tests.

Also look for patterns. Keep a journal of her behavior. Is there something that is triggering her attitude about not going to school. It could be something in her diet, a particular time of the month or week, and event that is about to happen.

Keep the lines of communication open. She needs you.

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Additional Answers (3)

Edwards5 , Caregiver, Parent writes:

If she is not willing to go have you trying homeschooling her and or having a touter come to the house for her. When she is not at school where is she is she safe.

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Kino writes:

Ok, i just turned 14 a couple days ago, and i was just how you describe your daughter.
the most valuable thing you could possibly do is love her. dont just tell her. "sweetie i love you and i care about your best intrest." we dont want to hear that. we know that. prove to her you really do. tell her she's beautiful. tell her you like her outfit. spend time with her. watch a movie with her that she likes. Tell her that school is just a privledge she's obviously not appreciative enough for and its too late for her, and when she's fourteen (if she still wont go) she'll have to get a job to support herself. use reverse Phycology (my spelling sucks). make her life miserable so she can look back and say "it was easier when i was in school." be nice but make her buy her own tampons, make her buy her own stuff. and make her get a job, wether its under teh counter, or just a job from you. like i said be very very nice throughout all of this, but make it a living hell. (be overly nice)
thanks to my mothers harsh love, i'm now getting straight A's and i have a great relation ship with my mom. (you should also take her to the doctors to look for mental illnesses.)
-or- (my friends mom did this)
Tell her for ever day she goes to school she gets a credit.
10 = nail polish (or something she likes about ten dolors, or make up or something)
30 = $30 (or something else...)
50 credits = 50 shopping trip or a girls day (or other things like that.
100 credits = blah blah blah you get the point.
my frieds mom said she'd take her to europe if she got 400 credits which took her a couple years.
both of these work.
good luck, and remember that better things will come from the better you are AND teh forest always gets darker before you can see the sun :D
YOU are teh parent, You shoved her out You take control. dont be a dictator, we wont listen, be a friend (with her well being in mind) we like friends.
and remeebr she's gonna start drifting away, she's 13, we think we're biger and stronger than we are.
GOOD LUCK!
(ps, sorry about my grammer/spelling i really am not that smart because school didnt seem worth it. i have to start a over now. :(( but i'm excited to.)
your an amazing parent and dont forget it! confidence is key!!!!

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pintonsara83 , Parent writes:

I agree with Edward, you should try homeschooling. Personally i think that studying at home is better than going to a school, the child can focus so much better in private.

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