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nonomus
nonomus asks:
Q:

my 14 year old sister is giving a hard time to my mom.

my mom found out my sister was having sex with her boyfriend that is 18 years old. My mom is now afraid my sister might wanna runaway with her boyfriend and get pregnant so she doesn't get separated from him because my sister is not allowed to see him again. what should my mom and I do? I'm 16
In Topics: Teen issues, Friendships and peer relationships, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jan 13, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

Hello,

Sorry to hear what's going on with your sister.  Situations like this cause a lot of stress!

The age gap between your sister and her boyfriend is pretty wide, and since he's technically an adult, that makes it even more concerning.  At 18, he should know that his behavior is inappropriate.  If he's still in high school and/or living at home with his parents, your mom could consider calling his parents.  There's a good chance they don't want him sleeping with 14-year-old girls, either.  By getting his mom and/or dad involved, that will help your mom enforce the rules in regards to your sister.

And like one of the earlier answers pointed out, your mother should be addressing your sister's view of sex in general.  What is driving your sister to make these decisions?  Sexuality is an important part of life, and your sister needs to have a healthy and respectful understanding of it.

As an older sister, your most important role in this situation is simply this: be a good older sister.  You don't need to try to back up your mother, lecture your sister, watch her behavior, etc.  Obviously, if you find out something worrisome, you'll want to share that with your mother.  Otherwise, keep in mind that your sister could really use a good, supportive sibling.  Listen to her when she needs to talk, include her in activities, be patient.

We hope this helps a little.  Good luck!

Kate, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000 (24/7)
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Additional Answers (5)

Mojave
Mojave writes:
maybe your mom may want to look at whether or not it was the right decision to separate your sister with her boyfriend. What is going to cause the most harm here? If this is going to cause your sister to be even more rebellious, it may be better to retract that decision. Instead your mom could guide her in the area of safe sex and just be there for her when she needs things. They could come to an agreement about it, some sort of compromise. Otherwise, is she really going to prevent it, or just make it become more of a problem? It's something to look at. Since I don't know your sister, I couldn't tell you what is right, only what I have seen and helped other parents with. Good luck!
> 60 days ago

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Aliechia
Aliechia , Parent writes:
its definitely not ok for your sister to be having sex. maybe a more important question for your mom to ask is why is, your sister being so young, wants to have sex? you mother should look into counseling with your sister so she can resolve the reasons as to why your sister is looking to have sex.
> 60 days ago

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Dr.Monika
Dr.Monika , Child Professional writes:
Having sex with a 14-year-old minor is illegal in the U.S.  Your mom should talk to the police as soon a possible.

Since your sister is sexually active, she should discuss birth control with her health care provider as soon as possible to prevent pregnancy. Nobody is ready to be a parent at age 14.  Also, if your sister has any emotional issues, such as depression, bipolar disorder, or defiant behavior, your mom should take her to see a psychologist.  

Best regards.
> 60 days ago

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lordrevan
lordrevan writes:
why her do it
> 60 days ago

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lordrevan
lordrevan writes:
why her do it
> 60 days ago

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