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amberjanye
amberjanye asks:
Q:

My 14 yr old refuses to go to school. Advice?

my son is 14 and for the last 12 mts i have struggled to get him to go to school now with the start of this new term he just refuses to go, HELP.


Question asked after reading: http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Schoo...
In Topics: Back to school, Teen issues
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Sep 17, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

After reading your reply to the answer from eliad, the situation with your son is serious enough for you to take more serious action. Your son needs to be in school, even if that means changing schools, or homeschooling. At 14 years old, NOT going to school is NOT an option!

It sounds like you have tried talking, listening and trying to understand your son. But, your son needs to know that you are not going to allow him to stay home and ignore his studies. Take away all recreational activities such as TV, video games, phone and computer. He needs to realize that he will have a great deal of homework to catch up on, and the sooner he starts working on it the better.

If your tough love approach continues to not motivate him, take him to the hospital or to a psychologist for a mental health evaluation. If he refuses to go, call the police to be an escort. You will be doing this because you love your son, but you also need some support.

If you would like to talk with a counselor, we are here 24 hours, every day for parents who are struggling with their teenagers. You can call our toll-free hotline at: 1-800-448-3000, or e-mail us at: hotline@boystown.org
You don't have to go through this alone. We are here to help!

Sincerely,
Cynthia, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
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Additional Answers (3)

eliad
eliad , Parent writes:
It is very hard to give an advise without knowing the reason for their refusal to go to school.

This should be an alarm for you. Something must be going on in school that you are not aware of. Sometime it could be a sign of being bullied.
http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/

Did your child give any reason for not wanting to go? what do they say when you ask them?

I obviously think that you should try and talk with your child to try understand it from them, but maybe you can talk with their teacher, school administration or their friends and to understand the cause.
This will give you the tools to handle the situation.

I wish you all the best and hope that it will be resolved sooner then later.
> 60 days ago

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amberjanye
amberjanye writes:
hi thanks for your reply, i have sat an talked till am blue in the face i have been into school ad had numerus meetings with his teachers
 he is not getting bullied. he is a very bright your lad not many friends but some.
I have also tried his GP about depression ? but i got nowhere
he has now taken to his bed an will not speke to me he has not been downstairs  or eaten a propper meal for a week now but he sneeks down and grabs snack food when i go out.
Something is seriousley wrong i don't no what else to do anymore.
> 60 days ago

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Daniel_Guillot
Daniel_Guil... , Parent writes:
I agree that this is a very serious situation and skipping school is not an option.  The tough love approach may be what is needed.  However, I think a balance may be in order too.  Giving in on some things may help him to swallow the fact that he cannot win this fight.  You mentioned that he is sneeking down to get snack food.  Is this really a problem?  Instead of asking him to come it a good meal, tell him that it is OK to get a snack.  Fix one of his favorite foods and put it out for him right before you leave.  Maybe he will eat it while you are gone instead of snacks.  Stock the house with only good snack foods.  He may prefer a good meal instead of healthy snacks.
Your son may hate you for forcing him to go to school, but may also be happy with you for compromising on other things.  Remember that the ultimate goal is to learn while he is at school, he can still rebel even it he is forced to go to school.  Remember it is "tough love" not just "tough".  It's just a different way for you to love your son.
> 60 days ago

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