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tammee
tammee asks:
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I suspect that my daughter's good friend has stolen from us. Should I confront her or leave it alone?

i suspect that my daughter's good friend has stolen from us but i do not have proof. the item was sitting beside our computer, the friend was over, then after a few days, we went to get the item and it was not there. i have broached this subject in the past with my daughter and she does not accept that her "friends" steal. who should i confront or should i leave it alone ?
In Topics: Teen issues
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Sep 28, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Thank you for reaching out to Education.com

This can be a difficult situation without witnesses. If you are sure that no one else was in your home, or if you know for sure that no one in your family misplaced it, then you may be correct that your daughter's friend took the item. The problem is that you don't have 100% proof, and that is the way you need to approach it.

One option would be to ask your daughter's friend directly. State that you know you have no proof except that she was the last one in the room before the item was taken. Tell her that you will have to contact her parents, but you will give her a chance to come clean with you first. This way the girl has the opportunity to make a decision to return the item and apologize. This approach would work best if you know the girl and her parents.

Another approach would be to call her parents and tell them that you strongly suspect their daughter took something from your home. Tell them that you did not see it happen, but tell them why you think she took the item. Hopefully they will handle it appropriately with their daughter, rather than deny that their child could so such a thing, or go to the other extreme and harshly punish her. You can not control this but you do need to let them know.

Leaving the situation alone is the last option. But think it through...how will you feel when this girl comes to your home again? How will you react to her and her parents when you see them at a school function or at the mall? If your gut tells you that there is more of a chance that she did take the item, then discussing it with her and her parents would be the best thing...not only for you but also for her growth and maturity.

If you would like to discuss this situation or any other issue with a counselor, you can call or e-mail us. We are here 24 hours, 7 days a week for parent and families. Take care and best wishes to you!

Sincerely,

Cynthia, Crisis Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
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Additional Answers (1)

Marebear
Marebear , Student writes:
It's hard to say. If your not positive that your daughter's friend stole something from you, I would leave it alone. It could just be misplaced! Your daughter would be hurt and upset if she thought that you think her friend stole something. I would leave it alone and look for the item. If it happens again while your daughter's friend is in the house, then I would say to everyone in the household " Has anyone seen the......." this way your daughter doesn't think your accusing her friend. Hope this helps!
> 60 days ago

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