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Anonymous
Anonymous asks:
Q:

i am 17 and he is 25 some times i am so sad that i do not go to school because i do not understand

i have never talk to is guy that i like. but i like hem so mach i do not understand . i think that he knows i like hem . how do i no because i has been seeing hem for the past 11 mot hes . some times i am so sad that i just stay home and not go to school . i am so scared to go up to hem and ask hem if he like me .what if he will say HOW OLD ARE YOU 17 OK NO something like that . i thick he likes me to because he look that me . but how do i find out .
In Topics: Teen issues
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 26, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

It's great that you wrote in to discuss your feelings for this 25 year old man. It sounds like you are having pretty strong feelings for this guy, and it must be really frustrating that you can't tell if he likes you or not. We've all felt that before and know how easy it is to get engrossed in someone else so deeply that we cannot step back and take a look at the whole situation.

Take a moment and think about what's making this guy so attractive in your eyes. Is it the excitement of the chase, not knowing if he likes you or not? How much do you really know about him and his life? I also want you to take a minute and think about what you want in a boyfriend. Usually someone that is 17 wants a boyfriend/girlfriend that is in high school, involved in similar activities such as sports or music, has similar types friends, is fun to hang around, and is thinking about heading to college after they graduate. Think about how many of these things a 25 year old would have in common. Probably not many. It may seem exciting to date an older man, but I want to warn you that a 17 year old dating a 25 year-old is NOT a good idea. It's probably not what you want to hear, but I have never heard of a successful relationship between someone that is in high school and someone that is in their mid-twenties. Typically if an adult man is interested in someone that is not of legal age, it's not because they are truly interested in that person, they only want a sexual relationship. That type of relationship between a minor and an adult is illegal.

I strongly encourage you to distance yourself from that man so you won't be tempted to get involved with him. Focus on boys that are your age and in high school. I think you'll find that you have much more in common with them and a much better possibility of a healthy relationship.

If you want to talk to someone further about this please feel free to call our toll-free hotline at 1-800-448-3000. We're here 24/7 to talk to you. Take Care!

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (2)

lkauffman
lkauffman writes:
Dear Anonymous,

First, at the risk of sounding dramatic, I must mention that if you ever feel so sad that you think about hurting yourself, please, please, please mention this to your parents, a trusted teacher, or a school counselor. You can also call a hotline to talk with someone at Boys Town. Boys Town is a wonderful organization filled with counselors who are trained to listen. Their number is 1 (800) 448-3000 or check them out online: http://www.boystown.org/AboutUs/hotline/Pages/CrisisHotline.aspx

Now, assuming that you do not want to hurt yourself and just want tips for talking to your guy, I want you to know that I get it that you care about this guy very much. I imagine that you think about him and what it would be like to date him often. I mention this because I want you to understand that I know how big and intense your feelings are. I get it that this guy is very important to you, and you want to know how you can win his love.

Although your feelings are real and should be honored, I feel that I should also say what you probably already know. That is, it would be risky and illegal for you and this guy to date while you are only 17 years of age. You most likely feel mature enough to date this guy, but in the eyes of "the law", you are a minor. If you and this guy were to date while you are 17, adults in your life could get him in very serious trouble with law enforcement. Thus, I would invite you to wait until you are 18 before seriously pursuing something with him. I know it may seem like forever, but it will be worth it to avoid the risk and stress of dating him while you are a minor.

In the meantime, you should consider "practicing" your dating skills with boys your own age. You may think that all of the boys in your school are "too immature" for you, but I guarantee that they are not too immature to recognize you as an interesting and compelling person that they would like to get to know better. You don't have to get serious with anyone, just focus on strengthening your social skills with guys. Identify one or two guys at school who you think are cute. Next, while walking in the halls, practice making eye contact with them for three seconds (say, "one alligator, two alligator, three alligator" in your mind), smile, and then look away. During lunch, approach a guy and ask him about a homework assignment from a class you share. Keep the conversation going by asking him how he plans to finish the homework, what does he do at home after finishing his homework, etc. Just have fun with it. Consider it a fun, challenging assignment. You can apply these skills to pursuing the guy you first wrote about (after you turn 18) or other guys you find interesting.

Hope that helps! Please keep us posted!

L. Compian, Ph.D.
Counseling Psychologist
Education.com Expert Panel
> 60 days ago

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abcde
abcde writes:
dear anonymous,
i am a person of ur age only, i can understand the feelings u have expressed.u r just 17yrs and u r a minor, 17yrs is not enough to take decision about ur future, sometimes it may go wrong.the love at this age is infactuation. if any one who is cute crosses u,u will turn towards them and c them for a second. u will also think that u want to marry such a cute person in future. thinking like thah is not wrong but that doesn't happen always. u r just 17, not an correct to love. concentrate in ur studies. do ur acadamics well. u have more age enjoy, this is the time to study. if u love any1 c that they are in ur age level so that he will understand ur feelings well.share things with ur friends.concentrate ur mind in some activites like drawing painting etc.
> 60 days ago

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