AnnieElizab...
asks:
Q:
My 17 yr old son may have been traumatized when he was 8. He refused to talk about it to anyone, seems to recalling now in dreams? What do we do?
During 2nd grade my blonde child was being picked on by a couple of 4th and 5th grade Mexican boys from Mexico. Found out they had held him down and tickled him calling him "white boy", etc. I was told they had also chased him into the bathroom, but didn't go in as yardduty saw the problem. I told the principal, their teacher, and his teacher that their parents must be told and action taken immediately or the police would be called. His older brother knew that his brother was his responsibility during recess. My older son was also a target being called "white boy" names, but his friend helped out. This could quickly get out of hand. It seemed to have stopped-I monitored recess and lunch. 2 weeks later my son's behavior changed. He already was active and rambunctious, now he was flat out naughty. We went to SF and he had to go potty badly, so we stopped at a sports store and his anxiety went out of control. He cried and went crazy refusing to go into the bathroom with just me, or his dad, or even his brother. His teacher and I talked and there was nothing in the class triggering it. He refused to discuss it w/ anyone even his favorite doctor. I keep trying in a casual way, but no. Now he is 17 and last week started having horrible nightmares. He claims they have nothing to do w/ premonitions or a violent situation. I am afraid it will come back and really set off a huge problem for him. What do we do?
In Topics:
Bullying and teasing, Friendships and peer relationships, Children and stress
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (2)
I think I might have some insight here. Your son is probably SUPER embarrassed by this. I would be. If he's so reluctant to talk about it, maybe you shouldn't talk. Instead, you could ask if it would be more comfortable for him to write it down. In my experience, it's easier to write about something traumatic than it is to actually talk out loud. Just talking can be really embarrassing, especially if your son is ashamed of what happened, which seems to be the case.
> 60 days ago
Hi AnnieElizabeth,
It doesn't seem to me that the two incidents, or even all three incidents (including the freakout in the sports store) are related. Not to make light of the ordeal, but the way you describe the schoolyard incident sounds like usual schoolyard teasing. Unless there's a part of the story missing, I wouldn't expect the tickling/name calling incident to have traumatizing effects that would resurface this much later in life. I agree with the advice above. It's probably something new, and something he's embarrassed about. Let him come to you, or let a trusted male figure in his life know that you've seen a change and he should keep an eye on him. Your son might be more likely to open up to his father, a coach or counselor than you in a situation like this.
It doesn't seem to me that the two incidents, or even all three incidents (including the freakout in the sports store) are related. Not to make light of the ordeal, but the way you describe the schoolyard incident sounds like usual schoolyard teasing. Unless there's a part of the story missing, I wouldn't expect the tickling/name calling incident to have traumatizing effects that would resurface this much later in life. I agree with the advice above. It's probably something new, and something he's embarrassed about. Let him come to you, or let a trusted male figure in his life know that you've seen a change and he should keep an eye on him. Your son might be more likely to open up to his father, a coach or counselor than you in a situation like this.
> 60 days ago
