ibisgirl
asks:
Q:
1st grade boy with speech delay experiencing psychological bullying at school
My 1st grade boy is tall for his age, however, he has a receptive and expressive speech delay that makes it difficult for him to make friends (kids think he is older, but when he speaks it is obvious something is "not right"). He is above average in his athletic skills. I have countered his challenges by working really hard to get to know the Moms in my community, invite kids for playdates, group playdates, sports teams, etc...as a result he was doing okay as he had a few kids who are friends. However, there is a group/clique of boys that are very verbal, more mature, athletic, etc.. and will tease him at school telling him he is "not cool," telling him he cannot play games that all of the other kids are playing (like tag) or "making him it," all of the time. The kids my son is friends with are less sure about their social standing, so while they do not participate, it is hard for them to "stand up for him." I am also finding that he is getting "shrouded" kids that were friends with him, are now not friends because they see him taking the abuse on the playground. It is quite heartbreaking, my son told me last night he wanted to be "normal," or another kid (who is well liked). I want to contact his teacher to start some discussion as to how we might help him, but want to make sure I am not overreacting, and to understand what my options are with the school to help him. Thanks,
In Topics:
Working with my child's teacher(s), Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (4)
Thank you for your detailed question. Unfortunately bullying seems to be very prevalent in schools these days. It is clear that you have worked extensively to try and make social situations easier for your child, and that is commendable. You should absolutely contact his teacher and ask for help in the matter, he or she will be able to keep an eye on the situation at school and may have some good advice.
> 60 days ago
Talk to the teacher now! You are not over reacting and this can be very damaging to your child. Teachers and administrators should not allow this to happen and should stop it immediately. If the teacher can't get it under control talk with the administrators!
> 60 days ago
Oh dear. This breaks my heart. You are NOT overreacting to this and you must immediately get the teacher's support.
I often do compassion training that teachers need to implement He needs to feel a safe environment in school.
We can also build his self esteem from the inside out.
You may want to check out my character building program at www.wingsforwishes.com
He deserve support, love and friends. He IS normal but has a delay.
I hate to use the word limitation as I wrote a book, Winning and interviewed so many people who overcame serious limitations so there really are none if you believe in yourself.
He needs you as a support system
Cheers,
Edie
I often do compassion training that teachers need to implement He needs to feel a safe environment in school.
We can also build his self esteem from the inside out.
You may want to check out my character building program at www.wingsforwishes.com
He deserve support, love and friends. He IS normal but has a delay.
I hate to use the word limitation as I wrote a book, Winning and interviewed so many people who overcame serious limitations so there really are none if you believe in yourself.
He needs you as a support system
Cheers,
Edie
> 60 days ago
The First Things To Do When Your Child Is Suspended From School (And Even Before!)
By Michelle Ball, California Education Attorney for Students since 1995
Parents are not usually prepared for a school suspension, which can come as a shock, and completely disrupt the day, week, or month (if it is extended prior to an expulsion). As such, this is an important article to read and pass on, as you never know when you may get "that call" from the elementary, junior high, or high school telling you to come pick up your child as they have been suspended. What do you do when you get the call your child is being suspended?
1) TAKE DOWN ALL RELEVANT INFORMATION IN WRITING: In that initial call, during meetings, in talks with your child, or otherwise, write down all information and keep it handy. Ensure you note down WHO you are talking to, WHAT is alleged to have happened, WHERE the event(s) allegedly took place, WHAT your child is alleged to have done, WHEN the activity supposedly happened, and HOW everything went down. Yes, this is "Journalism 101" but I was on the newspaper staff in high school (it paid off!). This information is critical to getting the whole story, and verifying you know everything.
2) STAY ON THE OFFENSE: In the school discipline process, often it can feel like "nothing can be done about it," and that a parent has no control. This is not true. Parents CAN do something about it and should always stay on the OFFENSE, going to bat for their child and attempting to SOLVE the problem at hand (suspension or otherwise) in the most positive way. Taking the steps here can help you to stay positive and may garner beneficial results.
3) MEET WITH SCHOOL STAFF AND WITNESSES: Go down to the school immediately after the call, if possible, BEFORE your child leaves and meet with the staff to go over exactly what is alleged. LISTEN a lot! Gather the facts. Try to set up a meeting with the alleged witnesses to the situation. For example, if the PE (Physical Education) teacher saw an alleged exchange of knives, weapons, drugs, etc. see if they can come in to the office RIGHT THEN to discuss the matter. Take copious notes as usual.
4) DON'T SIGN ANYTHING: Need I say more? Don't sign the suspension form (be ready and willing for the school to note "parent refused to sign"on the form). Don't have your child sign anything either.
5) RESTRICT THE INFORMATION YOUR CHILD PROVIDES: During the entire suspension and pre-suspension (e.g. investigation) process, it is not a good idea to have your child answer questions, write or sign a statement, or give any information. Politely refusing to provide information may be very difficult, as it is tough to not give into pressure, taunts, threats of increased punishment, intimidating adults, a cop dangling potential juvenile detention, or otherwise. A child may be scared, but parents, you must teach your child to politely decline to give, write, sign, etc. information or a statement. You will have to work out how best to achieve this goal in a way in a way that does not look like the child is being difficult and/or is guilty. Please note, this is MOST important with school expulsion, but as what is said during a suspension investigation could be used for expulsion, it is also important during the suspension process. Make the school do the work and don't hand them an admission. Admissions can lead to not only suspensions, but also expulsion, a ticket from the School Resource Officer (cop), and other bad things.
6) DO NOT HAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE ROOM DURING YOUR MEETINGS: Self-explanatory considering number 5. We don't want the school to be inspecting your child's reactions.
7) ASK FOR A LESSER AND/OR NO PUNISHMENT: Remember "It can't hurt to ask?" Well, that statement is as true here as everywhere in life. Ask for no punishment, or an alternative punishment (e.g. detention?), and that is what you may receive.
8) FILE A SUSPENSION APPEAL: Occasionally, districts actually have a suspension appeal process. For example, in Elk Grove Unified School District (Elk Grove, California), there is an actual written process and forms to complete. Most districts do not have any formal suspension appeal process in place, BUT that does not mean you should not inquire about an appeal and go up the administrative line. Ask the school and the district if there is a suspension appeal process, THE DAY OF THE SUSPENSION. If there IS a process, follow it. If there is not, simply go up the chain of command. If you met with the Vice Principal initially, call the Principal next, then the District office, etc. Make some polite noise and you may get the suspension overturned or shortened.
Parents, please keep this list handy and pass it on to anyone you know who has kids in school. You may not think "this could happen to you," (or your friends) but it happens to thousands of parents weekly. For the most part, parents simply don't know what to do, or how best to proceed when struck with a student suspension. You can do something about it.
Best,
Michelle Ball
Education Law Attorney
LAW OFFICE OF MICHELLE BALL
717 K Street, Suite 228
Sacramento, CA 95814
Phone: 916-444-9064
Fax: 916-444-1209
Website: http://www.edlaw4students.com/
Blog: http://edlaw4students.blogspot.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/michelleaball
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/EdLaw4Students
Faceboook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Law-Office-of-Michelle-Ball/191273330901857
[please like my office on Facebook, subscribe via twitter and email, and check out my videos on Youtube!]
Posted by Michelle Ball, Attorney for Students at 3:40 PM
By Michelle Ball, California Education Attorney for Students since 1995
Parents are not usually prepared for a school suspension, which can come as a shock, and completely disrupt the day, week, or month (if it is extended prior to an expulsion). As such, this is an important article to read and pass on, as you never know when you may get "that call" from the elementary, junior high, or high school telling you to come pick up your child as they have been suspended. What do you do when you get the call your child is being suspended?
1) TAKE DOWN ALL RELEVANT INFORMATION IN WRITING: In that initial call, during meetings, in talks with your child, or otherwise, write down all information and keep it handy. Ensure you note down WHO you are talking to, WHAT is alleged to have happened, WHERE the event(s) allegedly took place, WHAT your child is alleged to have done, WHEN the activity supposedly happened, and HOW everything went down. Yes, this is "Journalism 101" but I was on the newspaper staff in high school (it paid off!). This information is critical to getting the whole story, and verifying you know everything.
2) STAY ON THE OFFENSE: In the school discipline process, often it can feel like "nothing can be done about it," and that a parent has no control. This is not true. Parents CAN do something about it and should always stay on the OFFENSE, going to bat for their child and attempting to SOLVE the problem at hand (suspension or otherwise) in the most positive way. Taking the steps here can help you to stay positive and may garner beneficial results.
3) MEET WITH SCHOOL STAFF AND WITNESSES: Go down to the school immediately after the call, if possible, BEFORE your child leaves and meet with the staff to go over exactly what is alleged. LISTEN a lot! Gather the facts. Try to set up a meeting with the alleged witnesses to the situation. For example, if the PE (Physical Education) teacher saw an alleged exchange of knives, weapons, drugs, etc. see if they can come in to the office RIGHT THEN to discuss the matter. Take copious notes as usual.
4) DON'T SIGN ANYTHING: Need I say more? Don't sign the suspension form (be ready and willing for the school to note "parent refused to sign"on the form). Don't have your child sign anything either.
5) RESTRICT THE INFORMATION YOUR CHILD PROVIDES: During the entire suspension and pre-suspension (e.g. investigation) process, it is not a good idea to have your child answer questions, write or sign a statement, or give any information. Politely refusing to provide information may be very difficult, as it is tough to not give into pressure, taunts, threats of increased punishment, intimidating adults, a cop dangling potential juvenile detention, or otherwise. A child may be scared, but parents, you must teach your child to politely decline to give, write, sign, etc. information or a statement. You will have to work out how best to achieve this goal in a way in a way that does not look like the child is being difficult and/or is guilty. Please note, this is MOST important with school expulsion, but as what is said during a suspension investigation could be used for expulsion, it is also important during the suspension process. Make the school do the work and don't hand them an admission. Admissions can lead to not only suspensions, but also expulsion, a ticket from the School Resource Officer (cop), and other bad things.
6) DO NOT HAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE ROOM DURING YOUR MEETINGS: Self-explanatory considering number 5. We don't want the school to be inspecting your child's reactions.
7) ASK FOR A LESSER AND/OR NO PUNISHMENT: Remember "It can't hurt to ask?" Well, that statement is as true here as everywhere in life. Ask for no punishment, or an alternative punishment (e.g. detention?), and that is what you may receive.
8) FILE A SUSPENSION APPEAL: Occasionally, districts actually have a suspension appeal process. For example, in Elk Grove Unified School District (Elk Grove, California), there is an actual written process and forms to complete. Most districts do not have any formal suspension appeal process in place, BUT that does not mean you should not inquire about an appeal and go up the administrative line. Ask the school and the district if there is a suspension appeal process, THE DAY OF THE SUSPENSION. If there IS a process, follow it. If there is not, simply go up the chain of command. If you met with the Vice Principal initially, call the Principal next, then the District office, etc. Make some polite noise and you may get the suspension overturned or shortened.
Parents, please keep this list handy and pass it on to anyone you know who has kids in school. You may not think "this could happen to you," (or your friends) but it happens to thousands of parents weekly. For the most part, parents simply don't know what to do, or how best to proceed when struck with a student suspension. You can do something about it.
Best,
Michelle Ball
Education Law Attorney
LAW OFFICE OF MICHELLE BALL
717 K Street, Suite 228
Sacramento, CA 95814
Phone: 916-444-9064
Fax: 916-444-1209
Website: http://www.edlaw4students.com/
Blog: http://edlaw4students.blogspot.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/michelleaball
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/EdLaw4Students
Faceboook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Law-Office-of-Michelle-Ball/191273330901857
[please like my office on Facebook, subscribe via twitter and email, and check out my videos on Youtube!]
Posted by Michelle Ball, Attorney for Students at 3:40 PM
Resources:
> 60 days ago
Other Similar Questions
- my second grade nephew is harressed everyday by his teacher.Mr.Kasitz takes his recess away from him 4 to 5 day a week.Nicos is a very active seven ye
- How to approach the teacher and the parent of a child (boy) who continues to hit my child(girl)?
- Are teachers allowed to mock at students
- I need help boosting my 6 y/o sons' confidence and am confused as to telling how to react to verbal and physical attacks.Tried tell a teacher no help
- I'm hearing about one girl who's mean only to my son sometimes, but my son's kindergarten teacher does not seem to validate my son's stories.
- My child has gotten low grades in class and has also been bullied at school. Do I have a right to ask if she could do work over so she doesn't fail?
- What to do about child being attacked at pre school
- Why did my son's preschool teacher attack my concerns about a bully?
- What is the best way to handle a teacher who is constantly mean to your child?
- My son defended himself against a bully and now he's being punished. What should I do?
