Hi MegaMommy,

So sorry you're dealing with so much right now.  I had my younger son when my oldest was just two so I know how it feels to have a "Terrible Two" and a new baby at the same time.  Not easy!  

If I were you I'd make an appointment with your pediatrician to chat about your son's issues.  As moms we don't often think of going to the doctor unless someone is bleeding or running a fever right?!  But several times when my kids have had big behavior changes that went on for a while I've taken them to their pediatrician and there's almost always a medical explanation for the behavior (tummy issues, seasonal allergies, etc).  Two year olds are not good as using words to describe how they feel so they often just behave "badly" until the situation in their body improves.  

It's possible he's not listening well because he has a hearing issue you don't know about yet.  Maybe he's not eating well because he has a tummy issue you don't know about yet.  

If you find out that there's no medical explanation for these behaviors, then your pediatrician can also recommend the best parenting books to help you develop a strategy for dealing with your son's behavior.  (There are thousands of them out there but your doc will have a few favorites and will know which one might work best for you given your specific situation)

Hope this helps and I hope life in your house gets easier soon!

Kat

You should have you child evaluated. My middle child was the same way. The key questions you might start to take note of. Is it only certian types of foods that he will eat or texture. Are there some normal childhood things that he can't touch or stand. When you talk to him does he look at you like he you speak another language.

My middle child did these things and it took awhile to get him into a doctor that had a good background in childhood problems. In our case, our child has sensory. He couldn't understand what we were saying and the difficult behaivor was due to his poor little body not get signals right from his body.

The types of doctors you might want to consult are: your pedatrician, ot, and child psychiatrist. Just make sure that when you make appt's they are compentent. I found out the hardway that not all pediatricians know about these child hood problems and tell you that you just have a difficult kid. If it weren't for my pushing to find an answer, he would not be were he is today. Almost caught up to his age in academics, his speech is clearer, and his relations are alot better. Even though we constant work on this.

So chin up, the answers are there. It might just take digging for the answer whether they be health or psychological. good luck.

I also have a child that is 32 months old.  He is the youngest of 3 boys and a girl.  OMG, he is sooooo fresh.  He hits, but mainly screams when he doesn't get his way.  He gets his time outs which he stays  in for 2 minutes (my other kids never did that)  but it doesn't solve the problem.  I have tried everything, getting eye to eye, talking in nice tone letting him know what he did wrong.  I must confess I spanked, (not hard) that never works.  I could go on, and you too probably tried it all.  I have read Nanny911, supernanny, doctor Sears.  He's seen his doctor, he's fine, he's just a brat.  I have had to miss special occasions because of him.  Bottom line is, he won't be 2 forever.  I do notice that when we are one on one interacting is when he is his best, but let's face it, we can't always do that.  So manage daily activities the best you can.  Try to get in some sort of daily routine.  Example, breakfast, dress, we sit at the table for 15 minutes doing schoolwork in the summer,  but I have him too sit at the table and watch the other kids, and I do colors and numbers with him, which he has no intrest in, nor can say.  Then it's an outdoor activity, til lunch, then it's nap time.  Housework save for night, because you will only get more frustrated when trying to do it and you have to stop every second for a problem.  I'm sorry there is no real solution here.  He will outgrow it.  But interact as much as possible to avoid the distructive part.  Oh, and the nap, with one of my kids, I threw them in the car everday, got myself a coffee, and he fell asleep.  Some may say I was nuts, I look at it as choosing my battles, I got a coffee out of the deal and my son took his nap.  The other ones I would just put in their bed, and walk away and they stayed.  I always kept a gate at the end of the door.  So, same house, all different personalities.  So see your pediatrician to rule out other things, but he's probably just another terrible 2, and maybe 3, but it will get better.

If you have his attention and his hearing is fine, then he should become intimately familiar with timeouts over the next few weeks.

If he behaves badly, put him quietly in timeout in the most boring rooms of the house.

Hitting or hurting animals gets an instant spanking, here, followed by a timeout.

He'll eat when he's hungry.  He's resisting only because he sees that you want it.

Does he have a crib?  At this age, plop him in and don't get him until his regular nap length would be over.  If he has a bed, just shut the door.  If he can open the door, then reverse the knob and put a lock on the outside.

Consistency is key--and so is not yelling, as that gets him what he wants--a reaction!

The last VERY IMPORTANT thing is to remember to carve out some time just for him when there's no baby so that you can devote at least half and hour a day to hugging and cuddling him and playing his favorite things.  He'll know that way that you haven't "replaced" him in your affections, and he'll be much better able to control himself.

I have a 2&1/2 year old and a 5 months old baby and somewhat experiencing the same as you.  My son is not kicking or hitting but not taking a nap and not listening to me when I ask him to stop doing things. Did you get any help? how are you coping?  
I am planing to contact my pediatrician.

We really feel for you, especially with having another baby. We hope your problems have become easier since this last post.

Our Son is exactly the same age with similar problems. We did have a spell where he listened to us both, but now he is getting worse by the day and so is our relationship. We are finding it so hard to cope and every single day ends with us falling out with each other in tears and a glass of wine. Dad works from Home and finds it increasingly harder to concentrate. The worst behaviour starts either first thing in the morning (Anything from 04:00am to 05:20am, never later.) with him demanding, not listening, making too much noise, throwing etc. If we try to discipline him it makes him worse. Then same at around teatime. (5:00pm)We try and keep the afternoon snacks down to a minimum, no sugary sweets, drinks etc, but he still won't eat properly. The battle that is Tea normally lasts around an hour or longer, with him wanting to fill up on juice. We don't let him. This ends up with him refusing his main meal. He then again starts with the noise, not listening hitting walls and won't stay on the naughty step. He just laughs screams or cries. Going out with him means taking the reigns as he runs off and won't listen when we ask him to walk and going for a meal is an absolute nightmare as we always here someone ordering desert, which he then refuses everything unless it's desert!

This sounds like we don't discipline our child but we do, all the time using different techniques until we are both exhausted! Nothing works. The only time he ever stopped doing something naughty was when my husband slapped his hand for hitting the TV Screen but we totally disagree with this practice and felt terrible for doing so, it was out of despair. Nothing is working.

After reading these comments we are going to take him to either our Doctor or our Health team to see if there is anything that can be done for our Son or Ourselves!


Any comments are greatly appreciated as we are both exhausted, tired, depressed and will either end up apart or in a mad house.
 
Thank you for looking.

I suggest kneeling to his level when speaking to him to make eye contact, stay calm. This will ensure he is actually hearing you and connect. If he his doing something wrong, first try to distract to another activity and trying using positive re-enforcement often.  What I'm suggesting is to focus on the good. Make a list of (5) top items/ situations / behavior you would like to see change and make a chart as a visual aide.  When he begins to follow rules, and displays appropriate behavior reward with fun activity, etc. The hitting is inappropriate.  Talk about feelings, 2 min time out etc. by very consistent.  His sleeping:check him but don't pick up, maybe rub back or forehead just to reassure Mommy is here, and he is OK. I use CIO, "cry it out" as last resort, but sometimes it is necessary.  I wish you luck.

Patients! Patients! Remember kids feel how you feel. Reward him for helping with the baby. Make him be your little helper he is the big brother. Make him feel very special. Make time for the two of you. He 2 1/2 these are his testing years. I have a 14 year old boy, he was drama! and still tests me until this day. They are smart they know how to work it even as young as your son is. My daughter is 8 she is wonderful and has always been and my helper. My son and her fight all the time. He picks on her all the time. I tell her don't complain when he messes with you, its because she starts it too. It childern. Dont be so hard on yourself. I learned a lot from my son. No one can give you a child manual, because every child is different. Make your son have a daily activity for him to do. Like let him help you fold clothes and put it away, put the clothes in the dryer or washing machine etc... he wants to feel a part too! I understand a small baby and a toddler is exhausting, but take baby steps and it will all work out. I get it! Us mommies get it. I hope I kinds helped you out!