Hi, I know what u r going through, my son is coming up to 3 and theres not 30mins that go by without him being naughty.  He beats my dog, kicks throws things, hits her all the time with toys and sticks.  He as wrecked my home, tacken doors of it hinges, holes in the walls from him opening and slamming the door countinuasly, he never learns I put him on the stairs put him in his bedroom whens he is naughty and he starts throwing anything he can find at me while i walk down the stairs.  he does not eat very well and Ive got a appoinment to see a dietician this month.  He screams, kicks, hits and throws anything at everone.  i cant go any where with him, not even in the car as he takes his belt off.  everyone stares where ever we go, nobody believes what he is like, Ive got my neighbour banging the walls all the time cause how load he screams, I can't take any more, my mother passed away in may only 43 years old and i have no help, im doing everything on my own i dont have 10 mins to myself, ive constantly got him.
The doctor told me that it might take up to 2 years for him to start being normal but if he does'nt listen and still like it at 16 he will proberly lbe ocked up.  I want to go and never come back, I dont care anymore.
everyone shouts at him, no one likes coming to my home because how naughty he is, writting this i have shouted at him at least 6 times.
the only thing you can do is take back to the doctors until they get fed up and then they will sort something out, I've been going since he was 1 years and 9 months.
  
 

My heart goes out to you, as I can tell that you are struggling greatly. It sounds like your son is truly out of control, and I am very concerned that your pediatrician is not taking your concerns more seriously. Your son's behavior toward property and animals indicates that he needs professional help. I suggest that you take a look at the great response from the folks at Boys Town on this discussion board, write down all of your concerns about your son, and return to your pediatrician, requesting/demanding more information and services. Although, your pediatrician's opinion should be heard, I find it difficult to believe that your son will just "grow out of" this behavior. Perhaps, you can request a second opinion? At the minimum, you need some referrals for yourself, as you sound like you need some additional respite and support. For instance, there may be some low cost (sliding scale) support groups or services in the community that can help you through this difficult time.

Best of luck to you and please keep us posted.

L. Compian, Ph.D.
Counseling Psychologist
Education.com Reference Team

Spank his butt. Pull down his pants and his diaper and spank him and tell him why you are doing it. make sure you are not doing it in anger first. You know you are not doing it in anger when you hate doing it, but you know you have to so he understands. You don't have to spank him for everything, only when it's going to hurt him or someone else. it's your job as a parent to set boundaries for him.# Proverb 29:15" Thy rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Give him better activities and do the activities with him, so you are spending time with him. Showing him how to build a castle out of blocks, play pretend or dressup in daddy or mommys clothes. Sing him songs. My son loves winnie the pooh. Too much tv can be bad though as well as be careful what you let him watch. read books to him or point to stuff and name them. Give him something to explore that isn't going to be destructive.

I haven't read all responses but I've been dealing with a little more opposition than necessary, she isn't as aggressive as your kid though.  My mom was with me the other night and I had my daughter with me.  Once again it was time to go and we were waiting on our ride when she starts trying to get down off the bench and run everywhere.  She throws fits when she can't get down, starts hitting and kicking and biting.  My mom happened to suggest that she was probably hungry.  (From another response, I noticed a man said his son wouldn't eat.)  I gave my kid a banana that happened to be in the cart and she settled down a bit after eating it.  I'm just wondering if it's hunger that the kids don't know how to express-my mom said they need to be taught that eating makes you feel better.  Oh, and don't take them to get fast food and cokes all the time.  The caffeine is definitely not good for them at that age.  That goes for big amounts of chocolate too.

I have a almost 2 yr old boy and he too is hard to handle. he does not sit in the cart, doesn't like to listen to anything i have to say and is defiant. he is mean to his 2 dogs we have, luckily we dont have cats or it could be worse. but i think the saying"boys will be boys" is true. but not when it goes this far. I find ways to distract him and sometimes i hold him with his legs and arms crossed until he understands I'M THE BOSS. he tries to get loose and screams and cries, but he eventually gets tired of it and gives up. I also think this deff involves expert help.Not saying our boys have mental issues, because what parent wants that label on their child, but boys need different pshycological approaches than girls do. and it's best to learn early how to deal with it at a young age than it is to let it escalate to even worse behavior when he is older and even harder to correct. YOUR attitude has a lot to do with it. he knows how to push your buttons and he likes it. try ignoring him sometime and see what happens. stay calm because he wants you to get worked up. he craves that attention from you. pick your battles and ensure that with a little understanding and a lot of work, things WILL get better. i wish u the best of luck. i know its been tough.

All the responses above make my heart melt. Young children are energenic by nature they are exploring their place and power in this world. As a parent you may not know what to do when you little sweet baby begins to walk and terrorizes your home and pets. Early intervention, limit setting and emotion coaching guides children so they don't destroy the world around them.

Unfortunately, some parents don't intervene or know what to do until things get out of control. I know how it is, I have a very defiant 3 year old who would hurt pets and hit others. However, thankfully, I have the knowledge of what to do. I have to spend 'every waking minute' teaching, guiding, role modeling, and setting firm limits. And of course emotion coaching him through his turbulent toddler feelings. Once a child feels that we understand their frustrating little worlds, they calm down. Young children don't have the language to tell us what they need so they act out. As parents it's our jobs to observe and intervene (or get help).

They've only lived two years, so how can they know what to really do? Children all have different temperaments so comparing children is not a good thing. Calm children have less behavioral problems. Children under two years of age who are not 'constantly' supervised will hurt pets and get destructive. So half of the issue is 'how' parents deal with their toddlers, the other half is your child's unique inborn temperament.

My book comes out this July, "The Go-To Mom's Parents' Guide to Emotion  Coaching Young Children," and I'd recommend any families with kids under 7 years of age to pick up a copy - or at least a copy of my colleagues book, "The Spirited Child."

What in the world have you people done to screw up your kids so?  Two year olds, killing kittens?  WTF?  Assuming that your kid does not have serious brain issues, this is learned behavior.  Do they watch TV all day?  Have you or family members smacked em a little to get their attention?  For goodness sakes, don't start quoting the bible and beating on a TWO YEAR OLD!  Try setting conditions for success.  Avoid creating a showdown between you and a toddler- even if you win, you don't win.  If your kid just won't behave in a given situation, don't put him in that scenario- be it grocery store or kitty box.  Find something he likes to do and encourage him to do it.  Keep to a routine and schedule- this is about all the 'discipline' that you can successfully impart on a TWO YEAR OLD.  Add a little violence and you will create a little Dahmer.

I stopped reading your question when I saw "I put my child in time out for 20 minutes"  What?  I'm not surprised that your child acts out.  Rule of thumb, a child only sits in time-out 1 minute for the age that would mean that a 2 year old would only be in time-out for 2 minutes.  I hope your mother is not being critical of your child in front of the child.  I'm observing a lot of issues where your child would naturally lash out at you.  Try this simple approach, first reassure your child of the love that you have for them, do not scold, at that age they take everything literally, so you will need to assure them that you love them regardless of the situation.  I used a "naughty mat" just a simple rug placed in a safe place in my home away from the tv, toys, etc.  when necessary, I placed my child on the "naughty mat" 1 minute per year of age as mentioned before (2 years old=2 minutes, 3 years old = 3 minutes). Before leaving the child, I explained why they are being placed there, before removing the child, I explained again usually with the child promising not to happen again.  Next, if you saw your child acting out give proper warning by counting 1,2 on 3 they knew they were going to the naughty mat.  At that age 2 minutes seems like an hour.  20 minutes must have seemed like all day:-( I did not need to even use the naughty mat but a few times with each child just the counting 1,2 did the trick there after, they never want to see what will happen at 3.  Sometimes, I may stretch 2 1/4, 2 1/2 but it always worked.  A child does not or should not need spankings until around 4 years of age +.  Maybe you should look for some parenting classes in your community and establishing ground rules such as bedtime procedures and routines to follow.

I am very Appalled at you're son's behavior, I am an extreme animal lover and my heart sunk to the floor reading this, and let me just say that for once, I suggest the following instructions in order
Step 1) Firmly Say "No"
Step 2) Tell him what you're saying no to
Step 3) Pull off his pants and undies, and Wear his ass out with the belt, and tell him to lay in his bed and think about what he did

Keep this action consistent in you're parenting, it took a while, but my son is now tip-top because i shaped him up with my leather belt.

Take your child to a childs obedience school in Colorado!!!

Hi! That sounds aweful and stressful for sure. I have taught ages 1-13 years old in schools and preschool's. I have also babysat for many years before I became a teacher. Now I know school is a more structured setting but other parents who have children in my classes have tried these strategies and they work sometimes. If these don't work it is time to probably see a pediatrician about possibly foods or medically based behavior issues he may need support with. ( I am by no means saying this is something you should do and it is completely your decision to go that route but it would be my personal opinion only as I am not trained as a medical doctor.) Also, something to consider is that he is 2 years old and literally they don't call them the "terrible twos" for nothing and it may be just completely developmentally normal.

It seems to me that most of your strategies have been negative (taking away toys, no snack ect...) while those still need to be in place and consistent like you say you're doing, the most effective way I have found in a class with a student who just won't react positively to any negative consequences (time out, silent lunch, time off of extra recess...they just don't seem to care) is rewards for good behavior along with the consequences for bad behavior even if they already earned something for a good behavior the same day....every choice they make counts either positvely or negatively. They also need a timeline such as you will earn ______ (which can be anything he loves and is acceptable to you...choices that he can choose from that are acceptable to you are even better, because then he owns the decision) when or if you do ______ (whatever the positive behavior is that you are looking for). Such as; you will earn _______ (sugary treats NOT recommended because science, medicine and experience shows that this will dramatically increase negative behaviors because they have so much energy!)  if you can do this for this long or this many days ect... give them some structure just like adult earn money for the job they do over a period of time. Obviously because of his age this time will have to be shorter, stick to daily times for a 2 year. Make sure to reward quickly so that they can identify the positive behavior with the positive reward. If you have to start out small and work over time for longer amounts of good behavior do that! Such as if you sit and eat ____ many bites of your food you can have dessert. Always make the desired behavior make sense with the positive reward. Such as; if you would like him to behave in the store with you if he can do that at least 1 time this week he can choose what snack (from your acceptable choices) to eat later when he gets home for snack. If he gets that down a couple of weeks increase it to 2 times a week. Only let him have a the reward for the times he behaves positively. Do not give in because then he will be likely to not take it seriously anymore. Just like if you didn't get a paycheck you were promised for the work you did. Remember to be very vocal and encouraging in a calm but firm positive manner, which you may already do! Keep up the consequences for negative behaviors. I usually try to take in account family issues at home that they have no control over, lack of sleep, or illness. If these are the case I talk to them and explain why I am letting it slide this time in a careing way, but only because they were very sick or they did get home until midnight and I have confirmation from the parents after a call home. For severe behaviors like killing the kittens I would take severe measures meaning take away his toys for a few days until he does start to care. Then when/if he does start to really care (crying and whining does not count) he apologizes (which you make clear is expected to get the toys back) and obviously feels bad about it explain that the way he feels about losing his toys is the way you felt about losing the poor little kittens and ask if it feels good...chances are he will say no....if not he is not ready for the toys. Remember kids can live without toys they are rewards not necessities and someone in his little life earned them for him with positive behavior.

If you want to get even more organized we have a chart where the student has to change their card from green to yellow or red when they make a bad choice...it's a visual reminder for them (and us to write a note home). Green is a great day and they earn a sticker by their name. Yellow is a 5 min. Time out away from the rest of the students in a place where there are no distractions but I can still see them and they still know what is going on in class. Red is a time out, silent lunch and a note home. Anything beyond that is everything and a trip to the principal and sometimes a referral. Such as when I had a first grader suddenly turn and stab his neighbor with a pencil in his hand during writing because he was annoyed with them. His intention was to get the other student to stop (not maliciously harm them like an adult would have, he had not been taught that a pencil could harm someone at all, which could be the same case with your kittens) but we didn't know until we talked with him and his parents and guidance counselor, he still got a referral because he was learning that in this country we do not accept violence on innocent people for any reason, but we were able to talk with him better about what happened so that he understood that we didn't think he was trying to hurt anyone yet he also understood that it was still not something he could ever do again for any reason. Remember as corny as it sounds it does "take a village to raise a child". Lastly does he go to daycare? Also, completely your personal decision but sometimes it can improve behavior in some children because they are better with the structured schedule of a school, if not totally ok.

Remember whatever behavior strategy you use believe 100 percent in it because they can tell when we adults aren't really into it or serious about it, which means they won't take it seriously. I worked with a 7th grade science teacher who used the seemingly "young" time out method with her 12 and 13 year olds and since she believed it would work and followed through every day and was serious about it they took it seriously too and respected her not for the silly method but because she expected the best out of them, she also made learned fun which can be a great motivator at home too!  It does not mean she never had another negative behavior issue in her class but most were stopped after the time out was given and after that they had to personally call their parents to tell them what happened if the time out didn't work. Remember no adult is perfect so a person with 2 years experience being a human isn't going to be either. I have student who's parents can't believe me when I tell them they never have an issue at school because when they step into their house at the end of the day they completely melt down or let loose! I also have parents who say they can't understand that their child would do something like that to another person even though they have never really been around other children before and learned how to behave around them. Each child is different yet alike in some ways. Remember yours probably is too.

Also, remember to keep trying for a couple of months at least with one strategy consistently. If this does not happen then it may not sink in. I had another first grader who changed their card every day of the year and the second to last week of school he got up randomly and changed his card for something he did he knew was wrong and I hadn't seen. YES it took an entire year, but the consistency paid off and he corrected himself! :) of course the teacher next year came after the first week of school wanting his behavior plan because kids will always test a new adult or one who they know isn't consistent or serious to see if they can get away with it

I hope some of this helps and I will be sending positive thoughts your way! Remember to be patient always. I have a couple moments a year when a class is just really not listening like they do most of the time because of excitement over something ect... and had to get my assistant to take over a few minutes while I step out of the room on "official teacher business" to collect myself and remind myself that they a inexperienced human beings who just haven't learned it all yet and that part of my job is to teach those things by example, reinforcement and consequences.

Its hard to answer this question because all it does is criticize your son, you haven't said anything about your home situation, it may be all your fault because your missing something, seems like he hates you for good reason which we don't know and he probably doesn't know, and surely you don't know either. Are you giving him smart undivided attention?  Do you hug him when he acts out, is he tired, hungry or frustrated over the way you "don't treat him" and should.  A two year old who acts like that is either very smart or needs help from his pediatrician as to whether he should be physically examined and/or mentally examined. Please do some research into a very good and knowledgeable doctor and have a consultation.  I've never understood this new ridiculous discipline as a "Time Out", the parents need a time out for some professional psychiatric help on how to raise children.  You shouldn't have two kittens or any other pets with a small child, did he really, actually do all those things to the kitten.......Wow Mother you need some help to save your son.

Dont forget to also reward good behaviour. Great learning and coaching tool. Reward charts usually work a treat in kids over 3 too. Kids want attention but if they don't get it they act out, after all they get attention which is their main aim, be it good or bad, its attention attention attention. Some little ones just need you to spend every waking hour teaching and guiding them reading to them and playing. Just remember, it is HARD work but it isn't for long and the relationship you build together will be well worth. Good Luck!

This is precisely why I never comment in these forums - STOP JUDGING THIS POOR WOMAN, SHE'S PLEADING FOR HELP, NOT CRITICISM!!! Parenting is the hardest job on earth, especially when you're doing it solo  and lacking the appropriate support.
I agree wholeheartedly with the Boys Town response. Seeking professional help will allow you to get the support that you need, both for your own sanity and for the well-being of your child. Try contacting your local maternal health centre or even your local hospital should be able to provide contact details for organisations who can help you and your son.
I know how hard it is to stay calm in a situation like this, especially when you feel you're reaching breaking point. A midwife once said to me "when you reach the point where you feel as though you're about to snap, place your child in a safe area where they cannot hurt themselves...and walk away. Even 5 mins gives you the chance to take a few deep breaths, calm yourself and return to the situation with a clearer mind".
A PROFESSIONAL can assist in finding ways to create an effective routine that works for you and your son. What works for some people will not work for others. They can also help you find ways to settle your son into bed earlier, because it sounds like, first and foremost, both you and your son need to get some quality rest. Without proper sleep, none of us can function to capacity.
REMEMBER - No parent is an expert, we're all learning and under no circumstances should you listen to people who seek only to judge and criticise. There's nothing wrong with getting professional help and there are so many people out there who can help you immediately and give you and your son the support you need and deserve. I hope you and your son can find some peace very soon.

Have you considered a milk allergy?  Sometimes behavior issues and aggression can come from not feeling good.  Take him off milk for a week and see if there is any improvemther allergy that can make kids goofy is wheat.  Look into the GFCF diet and consider giving it a trial for a few weeks.  You might be amazed at the difference.

I just stumbled across your posting which you posted 60 days ago. I can only hope that things are at least slightly better for you now - maybe you've been able to find some professional help as some have suggested. You are no doubt at your wit's end and you need to find a support network for yourself as well as finding a solution for helping your son.

One thing that nobody has commented on is his MAJOR lack of sleep. No 2 yr old can function on only four hours of sleep. My son is also not a good sleeper and after a really bad night of sleep he has behavioral problems. When he's exhausted giving him a proper timeout is nearly impossible - he resists it to literally no end until he basically just passes out from exhaustion - my point being that until your son gets a healthier amount of sleep, your son's behavior is going to be a major problem.

Of course getting him to sleep more seems nearly impossible - his sleep schedule and body chemistry is really a mess right now.  I have no doubt that you feel like you've tried everything - but it is critical that you set limits at bedtime and stick to them even if the first week his bedtime "routine" and resistance last for hours and hours. The only book that has helped me to help my son sleep is "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Ferber. He talks ALOT about setting limits as well as determining the proper bedtime for your son. Unfortunately since your son does have violent outbursts and will probably resort to head banging while resisting sleep, you will need to make his room as safe as possible - I know this sounds crazy but you may even need to pad things at first so he can't hurt himself. Stop him from harming himself but don't give up on bedtime. He will pass out on the floor at first, but once he accepts the limits - and knows that you are serious about him going to sleep earlier, he will sleep (at least more than he does now)!! Remain firm and consistent!!! And once he's accepted those limits and is a bit more rested, he should accepts limits in other areas too. It's all connected.

Best of luck. I really feel for you and your son. Please do not give up on helping him and please do not resort to frequent physical punishment (if any). Please let us know if things are improving.

If a child hurts an animal, that is a serious problem. Most psychistrist will want to examine children for those kinds of anger issues. A child can be diagnosed before the age of 15 for some very serious pschological issues that are best dealt with while he is still in a reachable stage. It is important to see someone early if you see these signs. He is clearly very angry, and cannot express it positively. This is a family issue, and not just about your son. This is not to condemn you. This is a wish to give you hope for helping your son become a wonderful child and to be a well adjusted member of society. Having him evaluted is totally a healthy and loving thing to do for him and to save both yourself and him alot of heartache, rejection, and trouble. No one said that raising children was easy, and two year olds are very challenging. Two is nothing compared to 16 however.  I wish you all of the best, and I pray that you will reap the rewards of raising a loving person that you will be so proud of some day. Please keep animals away from him, and see a child psychiatrist who will help to  steer you to the path of having the happy and loving child that you hope for.

Beating kids (spanking and BELTS!!) is illegal in many European countries. Why? Because it is child abuse. Do you want to lose your kids? That what will happen if you abuse them, even in America. If you can't control yourself walk into another room. There is always a smarter option. Don't act like a child, be the adult. And take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby you once were so happy to meet.

What I think about this issue is that he is not getting the right kind of discipline. I am a mother and I know what it it like to have your child not listen to you, I have a 1 year 11 month old girl. What I would do is not seek medical help. You are the mother of this child, and not some doctor, you dont need a doctor putting your child on meds. Many. Many toddlers especially boys misbehave excatly like this. Where I come from this is an everyday things. If putting him in time out for some minutes doesnt work, out him on timeout for an hour locked in his room. Let him cry it out, & within 2 weeks he will understand.

have you tried to use a cattle prod on his little butt ?? what about putting a patch of Velcro on his bed room wall and on his clothes and then stick him on the wall for a while, and just leave him there. you can also try the electric shock collars that they have out for dogs, i recommend the one for small dogs. if that still does not work, then try a bull whip, or a riding crop. maybe some hot sauce in his mouth or pepper spray in his eyes would help as well.