Thank you for your very important question. I imagine a number of parents have questions similar to yours, so I am grateful that other visitors to this site will also benefit from this discussion.

Many children your son's age struggle with extreme grief and jealousy when a new baby brother or sister arrives. They are accostomed to being the "baby" in the family, and they have few words to express their pain at your "betrayal." Thus, toddlers with new siblings are prone to tantrums and other forms of misbehavior because they have few ways of coping with the change in the family and household. Here are some strategies for helping your son through this difficult transition:

1). Make an effort to spend "special time" with your son alone several times a week so that your son can see that you still value and enjoy time with him. Set aside fifteen or minutes or more to do whatever your son would like to do. At the beginning of special time announce, "Ok, we have fiteen minutes to do whatever you would like to do! Would you like to play inside or outside?" Make certain that you provide your son with undivided attention and ignore all potential distractions (have your wife tend to your daughter if she begins crying during this fifteen minutes, ignore the phone, etc). At the end of special time, tell your son that you look forward to your next special time (whenever it may be - for instance, tomorrow afternoon), and you really enjoyed being with him.

2). Do not try and keep your son quiet while your daughter sleeps. Your son may resent having to alter his play, and your daughter will eventually acclimate to the amount of noise in the house.

3). Make opportunities for your son to overhear you talking to your wife or other family members about what a great older brother he is.

4). Try and be understanding when your son has struggles. Although his behavior is likely making your angry and frustrated, it would be best to hug him and hold him when he cries. Reassure him that you love him, and you want to understand his pain.

Warm regards,

Laura Kauffman, Ph.D.
Licensed Child Psychologist
JustAsk Expert