My 2nd grader has been assaulted twice by a boy in his class. What can I do after going to the principal and district office?

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angry asks:

In the beginning of this school year 09/10 my son was playing and this one boy got made at him and chased him, then pushed him to the ground and dragged him by one leg took off his shoe and threw it across the grass. The principal spoke to other children who were there and got different stories. But she wouldn't talk to my sons twin brother. And he saw everything. As of now I'm not sure if any punishment has been given out. The principal said she cant by law tell me if he got suspended or what discipline happened. So I'm in the dark.
Last week my son was playing ball with his friends and the same boy was playing near with his group. My son accidental threw the ball and hit that boy in the shoulder. (It was a rubber ball) The boy got mad and chased my son on the hard top and when he got up to him he put his arm around my sons neck from behind. Yes! He was choking him!! Again the boy lied and said he only grabbed his sweatshirt hood. This time there is an eye wittiness.
The school handbook says: any serious injury will be reason for expulsion. But talking to the district office choking and kicking my son in the back is not considered serious for a 2ND grader. Because he really didn't know what he was doing. But 4Th grade and older they would get expelled. I'm sorry but that boy knew what he was doing. So basically we all just wait to see who he will hurt next and then in 4Th grade something can happen to him. What should I do???

In Topics: My Relationship with my child's school, Bullying and teasing

> 60 days ago

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MomSOS

Mar 26, 2010

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What the Expert Says:

The original two answers give good ideas. I would add this.
Find out if your district has an anti bullying policy or mission. If it does, this may advance your cause. If it doesn't you might be instrumental in getting something started for educating the kids about bullying. Perhaps you can suggest that the school bring in an anti-bullying workshop for a day. It is important that kids be educated about the nature of bullying, what it is, what the consequences are, and how to deal with it.

Kids get worried that they will be squealing or tattling or ratting, depending on the current slang. Bullying workshops differentiate reporting from "tattling," by emphasizing that reporting is about going to the adult in charge when someone has hurt you, physically, emotionally, or mentally. Tattling, on the other hand, is about telling something about someone that is private or may cause embarrassment. It is important for the victim of the bullying to go to the adult in charge and report the offense. I am not sure why the principal would not talk to your son's twin, but I would advise you to encourage the one who gets bullied to be the one to report.

If you do not get satisfaction at the school level, you have the right to go up the authority ladder to the superintendent or school board if need be. There may be privacy regulations keeping you from getting details of the disciplinary measures of the bully, but you do have the right to be sure a bullying situation was dealt with.

You might want to consult a lawyer to find out your parental rights in relation to the school, but I would not call the police until you talk to a lawyer and are sure there is a criminal matter involved.

If you decide to meet with the other family, you might be best off to do it in school, preferably with the principal present. Without a neutral facilitator (hopefully, the principal can be neutral), there can be misunderstanding that could be impossible to sort out.

Good luck. Don't give up. You may be able to bring some informative and educational light to a tough and sadly, prevalent situation.

Bette J. Freedson, LICSW, LCSW, CGP

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Additional Answers (4)

ctirado15 writes:

You may need to consult a lawyer. It appears that you have a case since these same incidents continue occur and the school has failed to remedy the problem. However, prior to consulting a lawyer, speak with the school principal and advise them that you have exhausted your efforts and that you will seek legal council if this issue continues to occur. Keep a journal of these incidents that occurred and include dates and times that you have made the school aware of this problem.

> 60 days ago

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MrsReading , Child Professional, Teacher, Parent writes:

I would go back to the principal and tell her that if you aren't given reasonable assurance that the offender has received consequences and that your child will be protected in the future, that you will have no choice but to contact the police. In my experience, I know of no law forbidding a principal from saying that appropriate action has been taken.

In addition, you could ask for a face to face with the parent of this student along with yourself, your son, and the other child. This works really well and brings about almost instant resolution. But, this can only happen if the other parent agrees to meet.

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> 60 days ago

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bdarden writes:

what you should do is take your son out of that school and tell the superintendent that the principal is not asking the kids that know everything

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Loddie1 , Parent writes:

Sorry for your unfortunate situation. This is one reason (among many) that we decided to take charge of our own child's education. We had a similar situation happen and the school said "by law" they could not talk about it. So I took my child out because this meant they were not going to take responsibility for my child's safety. Unfortunately this is what America's schools are reducing themselves to. This is why bullying and other factors regarding "socialism" will only get worse and the bullies will continue to prevail. YOU can prosecute the individual. All you need is their name and info. If the school refuses to handle it, depending on how bad the bullying is, you can contact a lawyer and begin plans on prosecution. Then the school will have to answer to a judge in court, where, they will have to disclose the information they were not "legally" able to disclose.

> 60 days ago

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