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Negandhi01
Negandhi01 asks:
Q:

My 3.5yr old son has picked up on bad words..pls help!!

First of..I have fallen a victim of my husband's infidelity 2 yrs ago It was too late by then 'coz we had a son together! Obviously i was not aware of his affair at that time. Since the time i have found out, me and my son are going through a lot of emotional turmoil. my husband starts abusing me in front of him whenever we get into an argument..which i try to avoid. i have told my husband not to use such foul language in front of our son so many times since, he'll pick up on all those words. I come from a very nice well educated and cultured family and this is not something i want for my son to learn. my husband has no control over his anger and is so manipulative and no matter what he puts all the blame on me. our son is 3.5 yrs old now and has started saying all those bad words frequently that he learnt from his dad..the thing that i was most worried about has happened. i don't want to get mad at my son as its not his fault. he is growing kid and is gonna learn what he sees in the house. i am very protective about him and i wish the best for him in his life..HOW SHOULD I TELL MY HUSBAND TO STOP USING SUCH FOUL LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF HIM AND FOR THAT MATTER IN FRONT OF ANYONE ELSE???? PLS HELP!
Member Added on Feb 27, 2012
I am a stay at home mom and theres no one from my side of the family here to help out! :( my parents live half way across the world in India who are also worried about this situation. And i dont get along with my in-lws and obviously they are supporting my husband in all his wrong doings! my son goes to a pre-school for extended day program. i requested my husband to lemme go to India for couple of months for a break but he is just refusing..he doesn't understand that both me and my son need a break and he needs to come out of this negative environment. MY husband has already filed for divorce and i am not sure whats the status of it because i dont want divorce. i am willing to forgive and forget. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I am also looking for a job..
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges, Communicating with my child (The tough talks), Child care
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Dr.Monika
Mar 30, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

Soundslike you are in a tough situation...  If talking to your husband has not heped the situation, perhaps going into family counseling would help.

Best regards.
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Additional Answers (7)

Terea
Terea writes:
I agree with Dr. Monika that family counseling could probably help.  However, most important I think you need to find a way to remove yourself and your son from an abusive situation.  No one wants you or him to be hurt.  Secondly, by staying your son will also learn to treat women the same way.  Once you've been able to do that you can start to teach your son that some words are inappropriate.
> 60 days ago

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CBrimmer
CBrimmer writes:
I was in an abusive relationship where he would use foul language and physically abuse me in front of our child. He was also having several affairs and would not support the family in any way. I stayed for five years because I wanted my child to have both parents and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. If he will not get counseling then take your son and leave. Growing up watching the abuse will only make your son think it's ok to treat other people that way. Make sure that you and your child are in a safe healthy environment whether its with or without your husband.
> 60 days ago

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RFriera1001
RFriera1001 writes:
I think my question is " do you have a family time once a week? Is your husband knows that you have a little boy to copy him what he's doing and what he says; think about what the cause of arguing, did you sit down and talk heart to heart. If this question of mine is not happening inside your house, think about it and you can find the answer from your self. God Bless you and have peace in your heart! Always think good for your child future.
From: rosebuds
> 60 days ago

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ahollister
ahollister writes:
Your question is complicated and seems to stretch beyond your son swearing as the extension describes. Find someone to talk to about these things, there are a lot of programs at schools.
> 60 days ago

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bayside1
bayside1 writes:
Remove you and your son from the house, and move on with your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 60 days ago

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Samyala520
Samyala520 writes:
tell him to stop and discipline him. And if hes not in school, do it fast!!!!!
> 60 days ago

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MamaYeca
MamaYeca writes:
It seems that the issue is with your husband, not with your son.  If your husband has already filed for divorce, it seems to me that he is not interested in changing his behavior... not for you, and certainly not for your son.  I can understand that you would prefer to resolve your problems instead of just giving up on them, but it takes two people to work together on a marriage.  One person alone cannot make a marriage function.  It may be in your best interest to look for your local Women's Crisis Center or Resource Center for help with the issues regarding your husband and the abuse he inflicts on you AND your son. They may also be able to refer you to alternate living arrangements, counseling, and job search assistance.

If you stay with your husband, your son will learn from his father how to mistreat women.  He will potentially grow up to be a manipulative, disrespectful person because you allowed his father to teach him that behavior.  If you leave with your son, you will teach him (by example) that no person should have to tolerate such abuse from another, and that no person should be allowed to abuse another.  I am a single parent, my son is in preschool, and we have not lived with his father since my son was an infant.  It is not easy, but nothing worthwhile in this life is ever easy.  Your husband's actions have consequences, but your actions also have consequences.  Hopefully you can find some local resources through the attached link.  If you do not have Internet access, try calling 211 for general services (and 800-799-7233) from any telephone (landline or cell).  Good luck!

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