powerlessst...
asks:
Q:
How can I keep my 4 year old from cursing and throwing temper tantrums?
i have a 4 year old stepson with a mouth of a 20 year old, he curses all the time and when he doesn't get his way he will call you a curse word and try to litterally beet the snot out of you. that is if he doesn't hit himself. i have tried every tactic except spankings but nothing works. he wants what he wants right then and does not accept the answer no or wait. temper tantrums i can handle its just the violent ones i cant. what do i do?
In Topics:
Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (2)
My son started exhibiting similar behaviors at around the same age. He is high functioning Asperger's Syndrome and Sensory Integration Disorder. My son started picking up bad words (I will never forget the first time - school telling me he called the teacher an a**hole...that's not one I ever slip up and say, so not sure where he got that at 4!). It took me a long time to understand that he cannot communicate "normally", the frustration he experiences leads to physical outbursts. The language he would pick up as something to use when upset.
I was told he was choosing to misbehave, and the whole "discipline, discipline, discipline" thing. That only makes it worse with my son. He would just get more frustrated and miserable. He didn't want to "misbehave" and it started affecting his self esteem by the time he was 6 or so.
Keep in mind a 4 year old doesn't know what he is doing, and to me, this is a sign he needs some help. Sounds like he is experiencing a lot of frustration and does not know how to handle it. I would take him to a developmental pediatrician just in case. They won't have all the answers, if any, you need, but it is important before he starts school and all. Early detection and understanding are crucial in handling most kids with special needs. I also started him in counseling at a mental health place, but they were not the best at "diagnosing" him and they stuck him on a bunch of medications that never really helped. And, I've learned the hard way, a proper "label" (although it's just a label) is important in our society.
What I have learned for my son:
Try to stay calm and positive, try not to argue, in fact just say calming things (I do know how hard this is when your child is in "rage" mode, trust me!)...but its the only thing you can do. My son has always been very stubborn and rigid and impatient. Structure is important, and knowing what to expect in very clear terms. There may be a stage before your child "loses" it. It is important that my son be left alone to calm down, not threatened with consequences or anything. That needs to be done later, when he is completely calm.
Of course, these are just my opinions from my experience. Hope it gets better!
I was told he was choosing to misbehave, and the whole "discipline, discipline, discipline" thing. That only makes it worse with my son. He would just get more frustrated and miserable. He didn't want to "misbehave" and it started affecting his self esteem by the time he was 6 or so.
Keep in mind a 4 year old doesn't know what he is doing, and to me, this is a sign he needs some help. Sounds like he is experiencing a lot of frustration and does not know how to handle it. I would take him to a developmental pediatrician just in case. They won't have all the answers, if any, you need, but it is important before he starts school and all. Early detection and understanding are crucial in handling most kids with special needs. I also started him in counseling at a mental health place, but they were not the best at "diagnosing" him and they stuck him on a bunch of medications that never really helped. And, I've learned the hard way, a proper "label" (although it's just a label) is important in our society.
What I have learned for my son:
Try to stay calm and positive, try not to argue, in fact just say calming things (I do know how hard this is when your child is in "rage" mode, trust me!)...but its the only thing you can do. My son has always been very stubborn and rigid and impatient. Structure is important, and knowing what to expect in very clear terms. There may be a stage before your child "loses" it. It is important that my son be left alone to calm down, not threatened with consequences or anything. That needs to be done later, when he is completely calm.
Of course, these are just my opinions from my experience. Hope it gets better!
> 60 days ago
Tell him If he uses the ugly words or acts ugly he will have to sit on the time out chair or naughty chair. Only use time outs and set the timer for four minutes. He will try to get up put him back and reset the clock. Explain why he is being put in time out. Those words are ugly. Your behavior the way you are acting is ugly. You will sit here because you used those words or acted that way. Spanking only teaches them to hit, then they will hit other kids thinking this behavior is ok. We are teachers. When he does sit for the 4 minutes ask him why did you have to sit in the time out chair or naughty chair. Remind him if you need to. Then Tell him he is a good boy for not using those ugly words or acting that way hug and kiss him. Positive reinforcement. Give him special time when he is acting appropriately and Lots of Hugs and kisses.. let me know how this works for you.
> 60 days ago
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