mprilop
asks:
Q:
What do I do about my 4 year old daughter's new phobias? Keep her in the uncomfortable situation or take her out of it?
My 4 year old has developed intense phobias within the past 6 months. She used to go to sleep without issues (no nightlight and we could close her door). Now we have to leave her door open while Dora or Max & Ruby play on her DVD so she can go and stay asleep. We tried nightlights but then those cast shadows which freak her out. ALSO while this sleep issue has developed, she is now TERRIFIED of Santa, Chuck E Cheese, Easter Bunny...yet completely okay with Halloween festivities and not scared. We can't go to her friend's b-day parties because she starts crying uncontrollably with a rapid heartbeat - her heart feels like it's beating out of her chest - it's as if she's having a panic attack and causes a HUGE scene. It makes me sad (and worried) to see her go through this, but I don't know if I could KEEP her in the uncomfortable situation to get her "over it" or take her out of the situation hoping it'll pass with time. I'm just concerned that these phobias will lead to others as she reaches grade school and on to adulthood. help?!?!?
In Topics:
Anxiety
> 60 days ago
Answers (2)
Hi Maria,
I'm sorry for your daughters problems. I'm not a psychologist, but it seems like learning new coping strategies could help her deal with these phobias. I would consult with my pediatrician as to what to do next.
I'm sorry for your daughters problems. I'm not a psychologist, but it seems like learning new coping strategies could help her deal with these phobias. I would consult with my pediatrician as to what to do next.
> 60 days ago
Hi Maria, I'm sorry to hear that you and your daughter are going through this. It sounds rough! I think it's fairly normal for kids to go through stages where they are more prone to worrying and being afraid (and as a mom, I've certainly seen my own kids go through this...sometimes they need the light on at night for a few weeks, then they're fine without it for awhile, then they need it on again, etc). But it sounds like your daughter's dealing with something a little more intense.
Did something happen recently that might have reduced her sense of security? Maybe a big life change (New house, new school, divorce, new sibling, etc)? Also, it may be that she experienced something (either when you were with her or when you weren't with her) that scared her (whether she was actually in danger or not). I think I'd start by trying to talk to her about how she's feeling. I've been most successful in these kinds of talks with my kids when I start the conversation at a time when they're relaxed and comfortable (like when we're in the car driving somewhere or just hanging out a home). You may have to bring it up a few times before she's finally able (and ready) to say how she's feeling. If that doesn't work and the behavior continues, I'd check in with your pediatrician who might suggest working with a counselor to help identify the problem.
In any case, I think I'd avoid forcing her to stay in situations that scare her for now. You may just need to spend some time building her sense of security back up. Give her some time away from "scary" situations (giving her lots of hugs and love along the way so she knows you support her). Then when she seems ready you could slowly introduce some of the anxiety provoking situations.
Please let us know how she's doing. (And how YOU'RE doing...having a child in this situation can make everything feel upside down!).
Kat
education.com community team
Did something happen recently that might have reduced her sense of security? Maybe a big life change (New house, new school, divorce, new sibling, etc)? Also, it may be that she experienced something (either when you were with her or when you weren't with her) that scared her (whether she was actually in danger or not). I think I'd start by trying to talk to her about how she's feeling. I've been most successful in these kinds of talks with my kids when I start the conversation at a time when they're relaxed and comfortable (like when we're in the car driving somewhere or just hanging out a home). You may have to bring it up a few times before she's finally able (and ready) to say how she's feeling. If that doesn't work and the behavior continues, I'd check in with your pediatrician who might suggest working with a counselor to help identify the problem.
In any case, I think I'd avoid forcing her to stay in situations that scare her for now. You may just need to spend some time building her sense of security back up. Give her some time away from "scary" situations (giving her lots of hugs and love along the way so she knows you support her). Then when she seems ready you could slowly introduce some of the anxiety provoking situations.
Please let us know how she's doing. (And how YOU'RE doing...having a child in this situation can make everything feel upside down!).
Kat
education.com community team
> 60 days ago
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