My 4 year old doesn't listen to me when I ask her to do something. Brushing teeth, picking up toys, etc. She always responds with NO. Sometimes I get so mad and scream and have cussed at her before. If I send her to her room, I have to stand there and hold the door shut. I am at my wits end and I know that part of the problem is me becuase I have a short temper, but I don't know what to do to get her to listen to me. I have even spanked her out of anger/frustration before. The "episodes" seem to be getting more frequent as well.
Your child needs to know what to expect. All children like predictability in their lives and having structure helps them behave.
First, establish daily routines.
Second, decide which behaviors will have consequences. At age 4 years, time out (one min. per year of life) works well. You can also start to withhold privileges. For example, if your daughter does not clean up her toys after you ask her to, you can remove the toys from her for a day or two. Be consistent with the consequences, so your daughter knows that you mean what you preach!
Third, do not spank or yell. It plainly does not work and breeds resentment. Also, it sends a message that yelling and hitting is an acceptable way of dealing with issues.
Need help with parenting skills? Ask your child's regular health care provider for a recommendation.