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muna
muna asks:
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My soon to be 4 years old  son does not behave well with kids outside and won't listen to us(my hubby & me). what should we do?

My son is the only child we have right now. He is very strong kid, and he doesn't show his emotions to us.  But he scares me sometime. Whenever we go to the park or in the building, he will grab kid’s toys without asking them and will not give them back, but through them away.when I stop him and bring him home. he tells me you are not nice (mama I hate you, I'll kill you)It breaks my heart.I know he wants to play with them. I can see he wants a companion (friend) so bad. He used to ask kids at the park “Do you want to play with me“  and they usually said “no”. that’s when he started taking their toys away and started blocking kids going up or down the slides. But parent don’t like that, when they see my son is doing all that. They say to me “excuse me! Can’t you stop your son" but they don’t understand, I do stop him, he just doesn’t listen to me. I play with him everyday after school(started two weeks ago) but he does not get enough. He is very smart kid. I have spent time at home teaching him. but now it’s been two months he won’t listen at all. I am very gentle and forgiving mom, but my husband is totally opposite of me (very rough, and pushy). When he is rough with my son and neglects my son. My son gets really frustrated and my husband pushes him out of his way. I just can’t sit and watch No more and that leads to argument between me and my husband. I just don't Know what to do at this piont. I want my nice and caring son back. please help....
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Dr.Monika
Jun 19, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

By 4 years of age, children should be able to understand the concept of sharing and taking turns while playing.  You sound very frustrated with your child's behaviors.  Sorry to hear that you have such a hard time and no spousal support.

From the description of your son's behaviors, sounds that he might have low self-esteem, and because of that he resorts to bullying behaviors to get what he wants (grabs other kid's toys and throws them away, blocks the slides...).  I worry about his negative feelings and statements that he hates you and "will kill you".  Could his behaviors be a resonance of what's going on at home?

You described your husband in negative terms: "pushy", "rough", "pushes him away"...  Has he developed this approach in response to your son's behaviors or has he always been like that?

I think that seeing a pediatric counselor would help to figure out how to help your son cope better with his environment.  Talk to his health care provider about a recommendation of a pediatric counselor/psychologist.  

Suggested reading:

Encouraging Self-esteem

http://www.pluggedinparents.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=442&Itemid=0

Best regards.

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