Hello! Wow, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with such a stressful and heartbreaking situation with your daughter.

I think you're right to be pretty concerned about your daughter's distress around school. I think most kids have a hard time for the first few days or even weeks of preschool when they're being "dropped off" for the first time...totally normal. Many kids even go through cycles where they get ok with dropoff but then sometime down the road they get a little clingy again (maybe after a long school break or after mom or dad has been on a business trip for example). From your description, your daughter seems to be outside the range of what you'd normally expect from a preschooler.

Quite frankly, when I read your question, I got more concerned about your daughter's school than your daughter. I think one of the key skills of a good preschool teacher is being able to manage tough dropoffs. My kids were both a little tricky at droppoff and the teachers they had were masters at giving a little love to my sad boys as I walked out the door but then immediately finding ways to distract and involve them so that within minutes the kids were engaged in school. And they knew I was suffering too so they'd always call later that morning to assure me that all was well. If your daughter is "running out after you" or crying all day long, it sounds like the teachers aren't doing enough to support her. She must feel pretty alone in this! And the fact that she was able to make it out of school and to another building is really alarming to me. I'm not sure I'd have my kids at a school where the doors and gates work in such a way that a child could get away like that. That could be incredibly dangerous.

If your daughter is suffering like this at school, the teachers and directors should be at least as concerned as you are - if not more! They should be talking to you every day about how to resolve your daughter's issues. There are lots of things schools and/or parents can do to make dropoff easier. You could think about changing her schedule (maybe she needs less time at school or maybe afternoons would be better for her than mornings). Maybe there is someone in her class or a teacher that she's having a hard time getting along with. Maybe she's just in a habit of getting upset at dropoff and something as simple as a positive reward system could help her shake the habit. (My four year old went through a tough stage once and his teacher and I worked out a deal where I'd pack a little treat in his backpack and she'd help him get it out 30 minutes after dropoff if he made it that whole time without crying. We did that for a couple of weeks and then he was fine). There are lots of strategies and tricks you all could employ together to try to make your daughter's experience better - but it doesn't sound like they're making suggestions to you of things to try.

Of course one thing to try would be talking to your daughter about WHY she's so upset about school but kids that age don't always have an easy time translating their feelings into words so you might not learn a lot. Worth a try though!

I'm not usually one to judge in these situations, but it just sounds like you may need to consider a new school and a fresh start for your daughter. As you suggested, it's preschool's job to give kids a love of learning and of school to set them up for future academic success. It doesn't sound like this school is doing that job very well.

Good luck and I hope things get better for you both really soon!

Kat