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conska
conska asks:
Q:

My 5 year old daughter threatens to run away and commit suicide? How concerned should we be?

Our daughter is only five, but she is very advanced in her speech and some understanding, as she is an only child. She has been increasingly threatening to kill herself, leap off the top stairs, cut herself or leave home every time she can't get what she want's; from an extra hour of movie time to not wanting to brush her teeth.  We of course know that these "fits" mostly just happen when she is tired and ready for bed, but they are really increasing and spreading throughout the day, and its scaring us. She's is very loved, and has a great stable home and we have a great relationship, so we aren't sure how much concern to give this at such an early age.  
In Topics: Self esteem and identity, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
May 4, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Thank you for reaching out to Education.com!

In general, five year olds do not have a clear understanding of what it means to commit suicide or self-harm.  You may need to ask yourself where she may have heard of these ideas.  If she is at a daycare or at school, are the children talking about these things?  Is your daughter watching movies or television shows with mature topics and adult language?  The fact that your daughter's 'fits' are increasing is a sign for you to take action and try to find some answers.

Please talk with your daughter's daycare provider or teacher about your concerns.  Ask them if they have heard your daughter or any of the children using this language.  The teachers and/or daycare providers need to be aware if the children are talking about these things.  They can put a stop to it in their classroom and/or center, and they also should talk to the parents of the children who are using that language.

It is always a good idea to take your child in for a check-up with your pediatrician or family doctor, just to rule out any physical or medical problem.  Certain untreated conditions such as chronic ear infections or allergies can cause some children's behavior to change.  Young children are not always able to verbalize their discomfort, so they act out.  And if a condition has persisted and has been untreated, the child may not know exactly what is normal.  More research has surfaced recently regarding sleep problems in children and how lack of sleep can affect their moods and behaviors.  

If you find out that your child's health is fine and there is no reason for your daughter to talk about suicide and hurting herself, then the next step would be to obtain psychological evaluation for your daughter.  Your pediatrician or school counselor may be able to refer you to a licensed child and family psychologist.

If you would like to talk more about this issue or any other parenting concerns, please call our toll-free Hotline at: 1-800-448-3000.  Our counselors are available 24 hours every day to listen and to support parents.  You can also go to one of our websites listed below for more information.  Take care and best wishes to you and your daughter.

Sincerely,
Cynthia, Crisis Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
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Additional Answers (7)

johnbutrick
johnbutrick writes:
i would be very concerend. that is not very normal to say that you want to kill yourself. and at that early of an age i would get profesional help if nothing else works.
> 60 days ago

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elizabethlute
elizabethlute writes:
i'd be really concerned, since not common place for a five year old to react the way she does
> 60 days ago

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tall-Rhonda
tall-Rhonda writes:
All I can say is GET HER HELP NOW!!!!!!! Yes you should be very concerned!!!!!  A 5 year old shouldn't even be thinking about that stuff, cutting, dying!!! If shes scaring you???  Bring her to the ER!!!!!!!!!  If need be.
> 60 days ago

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janhaywhite
janhaywhite , Teacher writes:
Extremely Concerned. I would seek professional counseling immediately. Something is going on inside to make her act this way especially when she is so loved and in stable home. I would ask her pediatrician for a recommendation for a counselor or psychologist to catch this early one.
> 60 days ago

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JustMe05
JustMe05 writes:
I agree, be extremely concerned!  I have heard of children as young as her saying stuff like that, and there was one boy who finally did throw himself down a stairwell and sadly died.  I would seek professional help right away.  However, I would not medicate her if that is what's suggested.  I would then move on to another physician who may be able to help her without medication (therapy).  

Good luck!
> 60 days ago

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johmarti
johmarti writes:
Since you seem concerned to post this message, I would say to take necessary steps to redirect the 5 year old daughter "learned" attitude.

First, assess the situation to see the urgency and find out the influences around her. A safe, happy and healthy child will not come with the suicide idea unless she seen it or hear it from another child/adult. (Where she saw that it worked well for the other person.)

Second, if you seem fit, get your child to counseling to redirect the behavior. It is never too early to care for our children mental and emotional well being.

Third, keep those boundaries tight. My child had tried similar threads when things don't go as desired. My child fits can get the most calm person to loose their patience. So, giving boundaries help them to self-control to certain degree. They are small, but very smart! Children will figure out which rules/boundaries they can break and how, and which ones they can't. Your child figured... "I can break this rule doing this, so I will apply to everything else."

Last, strenghten your routines so she knows what to expect, and give losts of love along the way. Encourage her to express her frustrations with the "right words" and "right attitude". Negotiate routines so she can own some of the activities, but always hold them to their part.

We always be concerned about our children, even when they grow up and leave home, but is very important to follow your parent instincts and provide the help they need.
> 60 days ago

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answers101
answers101 writes:
you need to sit and talk to her ask her why she feels that way hopefully she will tell you and open up to you
> 60 days ago

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