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momof2monkeys
momof2monkeys asks:
Q:

How do I help my 5 year old who is getting very upset about getting in trouble for fidgeting in kindergarten?

My daughter turned 5 on the first day of kindergarten this year. At first she loved school, but has been coming home increasingly upset almost daily. She has to change her color almost daily. The offenses generally run from along the lines of her fidgeting. Last week she was picking at a loose piece of rubber on the sole of her sneaker, the next day she was in trouble for picking at her temporary tattoo during story time. Sometimes it is because she sits on her knees instead of cross-legged. At the end of the day the kids “reset” their colors to yellow (good) for the next day. Two days ago, while she was going to put her clip in the yellow section she moved one of the other students clip over a little to make room for hers. The teacher then promptly told her to move her color back to the warning color because she touched someone else’s clip…The next day because she couldn’t remember what her offense was, she missed out on certain activity areas (I don’t think she even really understood what she did wrong). When she got home it took about 20 minutes to calm her down before I could understand what happened through the tears. Last week the teacher made her apologize to the entire class twice in one day for moving out of her place on the rug during story to see the pictures and that evening she was humiliated and in tears. She no longer wants to go to school because she is “bad and stupid” and she can’t sit cross-legged with her hands in her lap. The teacher see
Member Added on Dec 7, 2011
Yes I have spoken with the teacher and my next step is the principal. Things actually got worse after my discussion with the teacher. She seems annoyed that my daughter is so "strong-willed" (her words accompanied by a roll of the eyes), which she is, but generally not defiant. I pointed out that this was true, but she was also reasonable when things were explained to her logically. I know you want to finish that, but if we clean up now we can do so and so, but she does not seem to want to have to take the time to do this.
My daughter has been in a classroom daycare setting for years, including preschool. Both feedback from the teachers and outside assessments showed that she was well above where she should be at any given time. She tells me all the time she is bored, but the teacher has her pegged as remedial because my daughter often answers things “I don’t know” when she gets bored, even if she does knows the answer. The teacher’s response to this was “she needs to be fixed then”. My older daughter (now on the high honor roll) was the same way and I suggested that if the teacher engaged in a battle of wills with my child it would result in a frustrated teacher and an unhappy child, however that is exactly what seems to be happening. She seems to penalize her for every little thing that you would expect from a five year old, and my daughter is getting increasingly upset. She has stated to me that she is trying really hard to be good, but just can’t win. Thnk
In Topics: Working with my child's teacher(s), School and Academics, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Dr.Monika
Dec 7, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Talk with the teacher to get the whole story.  Perhaps, you could go to school with your daughter to observe how she behaves during the day.  How is your daughter at home?  Does she fidget and is inattentive?  Can she follow instructions?  If the problems is only with that one teacher, perhaps changing classrooms would help.  If  you have problems with inattention and inability to follow instructions, perhaps you should consult with your child's regular health care provider.  

Bets regards.
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