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momof2monkeys
momof2monkeys asks:
Q:

How do I help my 5 year old who is getting very upset about getting in trouble for fidgeting in kindergarten?

My daughter turned 5 on the first day of kindergarten this year. At first she loved school, but has been coming home increasingly upset almost daily. She has to change her color almost daily. The offenses generally run from along the lines of her fidgeting. Last week she was picking at a loose piece of rubber on the sole of her sneaker, the next day she was in trouble for picking at her temporary tattoo during story time. Sometimes it is because she sits on her knees instead of cross-legged. At the end of the day the kids “reset” their colors to yellow (good) for the next day. Two days ago, while she was going to put her clip in the yellow section she moved one of the other students clip over a little to make room for hers. The teacher then promptly told her to move her color back to the warning color because she touched someone else’s clip…The next day because she couldn’t remember what her offense was, she missed out on certain activity areas (I don’t think she even really understood what she did wrong). When she got home it took about 20 minutes to calm her down before I could understand what happened through the tears. Last week the teacher made her apologize to the entire class twice in one day for moving out of her place on the rug during story to see the pictures and that evening she was humiliated and in tears. She no longer wants to go to school because she is “bad and stupid” and she can’t sit cross-legged with her hands in her lap. The teacher see
Member Added on Dec 7, 2011
Yes I have spoken with the teacher and my next step is the principal. Things actually got worse after my discussion with the teacher. She seems annoyed that my daughter is so "strong-willed" (her words accompanied by a roll of the eyes), which she is, but generally not defiant. I pointed out that this was true, but she was also reasonable when things were explained to her logically. I know you want to finish that, but if we clean up now we can do so and so, but she does not seem to want to have to take the time to do this.
My daughter has been in a classroom daycare setting for years, including preschool. Both feedback from the teachers and outside assessments showed that she was well above where she should be at any given time. She tells me all the time she is bored, but the teacher has her pegged as remedial because my daughter often answers things “I don’t know” when she gets bored, even if she does knows the answer. The teacher’s response to this was “she needs to be fixed then”. My older daughter (now on the high honor roll) was the same way and I suggested that if the teacher engaged in a battle of wills with my child it would result in a frustrated teacher and an unhappy child, however that is exactly what seems to be happening. She seems to penalize her for every little thing that you would expect from a five year old, and my daughter is getting increasingly upset. She has stated to me that she is trying really hard to be good, but just can’t win. Thnk
In Topics: Working with my child's teacher(s), School and Academics, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Dr.Monika
Dec 7, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Talk with the teacher to get the whole story.  Perhaps, you could go to school with your daughter to observe how she behaves during the day.  How is your daughter at home?  Does she fidget and is inattentive?  Can she follow instructions?  If the problems is only with that one teacher, perhaps changing classrooms would help.  If  you have problems with inattention and inability to follow instructions, perhaps you should consult with your child's regular health care provider.  

Bets regards.
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Additional Answers (4)

domsmom04
domsmom04 writes:
Have you spoken to the teacher or the principal about this?  It seems to me a five year old fidgeting would be considered normal!  She's five!  They don't sit still for long periods of time at that age and tend to have lots of energy.  If you have spoken to the school, what have they said about it?
> 60 days ago

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ksedwick6804
ksedwick6804 writes:
I would agree with the first answer....five year olds are typically full of energy and have difficulty first adjusting to the confines of a classroom.  I would like to add one more thing...it may be that the material that is being taught is not in line with his/her learning style, it may also be that it is beyond or below his/her current academic acheivement.  I work at a private acheivement based (gradeless) school, and we get a lot of kids that have had similar issues in the public elementary school.  Try meeting with your child's teacher and discussing the academic curriculum to see if it is too easy or too difficult for your child.  Hope this helps!
> 60 days ago

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avidal
avidal writes:
Try new teacher or new school. If possible start kinder at age 6 or consider homeschool. Expectations for 5 year olds behavior are to high. Point is for her to learn not sit still all day. You want for your child to be happy, strong-willed and confident. Had similar problems and am now homeschooling.I didn't want my child to change so I changed the learning environment.
> 60 days ago

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MrsLenz
MrsLenz , Parent writes:
I have had this issue for the last 5 years! My son is 10 and much like your daughter has gotten into trouble for the smallest of things. We took our son to a child psychologist and had the school perform an ADHD test on him. The psychologist told us his IQ is high and he is mentally above his peers, so he is bored. The school found he does not have ADHD. Now they all say it has to be something because all 10 year old should only speak when supposed to, should sit appropriately, never make noises, not touch things around them, not disrupt. You show me a class of perfectly still and quiet 5th graders and I will find the step-ford parents they belong to!
I am sorry I do not have a solution for you! But sometimes it is nice to know you are not alone! Keep up the good work mom! You are your child's biggest advocate!
> 60 days ago

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