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mamasaysno
mamasaysno asks:
Q:

My 6th grade son is a year younger than his classmates but #2 in grades but not in social skills. Should we hold him back?

He goes to private school with smaller classroom size. He is actually on the high school golf team because he excels in golf. He is the eldest of 3 boys. The other 2 are in correct grade for age and the difference is their social skills and confidence is amazing. My husband believes holding him back will close the divide and allow him time to come into his own. He has invested much time and effort in his academics, is very intelligent and has great study skills. My fear is that holding him back will give him a bad message and that he will become bored and lose his drive for good grades. Please help.
In Topics: School and Academics
> 60 days ago

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Expert

BarbK
Mar 28, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Deciding whether to hold a child/student back is not an easy one.  In this case I agree with the other two who have already responded.  Holding your son back at this age and his academic ability would probably not be in his best interest.

As for your son's maturity...  Keep talking to him.  Point out when you believe he could have handled a situation in a more mature manner.  Give him specific alternatives.  If the next time in a similar situation your son's behavior is more age appropriate then be sure to give him praise.

Also, role play.  Throw out different scenarios and ask him what he would do.  Then have him give you a situation and then you can respond.  You might not think kids are paying attention, but they are.

Talk about how different character in books, movies or tv shows act in certain situation.  What did they do right, what could they have done differently.

Make this time fun, but meaningful.

In the long run, I'm sure with your love, support and guidance, your son is going to be just fine.

Good luck!

Barb K
Www.lessonpop.com

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Additional Answers (3)

Teaching_kids_is_fun
Teaching_ki... writes:
If your child has already been accelerated and continues to do well then he is more than likely classified gifted and talented.  One of the characteristics of gifted children is their  asynchronous development.  This means that many gifted children are at different stages of social development than their peers. Because of this your child should not be held back.  Many gifted children never socially fit in with their peers but as they get older they learn to cope. It would be detrimental to his developmental and academic growth if you hold him back.  I am the gifted and talented coordinator for my school and have seen this many times.  I would recommend that you allow him to progress academically unless his social issues start interfering with his academic progress.
> 60 days ago

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Kell_Bell
Kell_Bell writes:
Don't hold him back. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but, one of my friends parents held her back for the exact same reason & she cried & thought her parents hated her & it became a big mess. If he doesnt have many friends then make a deal with him to make more friends or no whatever his hobie is or give him rewards. If you think he is very handsome try to see if he can get a gf that will bring up his confidence
Or just talk to him about it. Ask him what he wants to do. Best of luck!
> 60 days ago

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NancyKogle
NancyKogle , Student, Teacher, Parent writes:
I have been fortunate enough to be very close to almost an identical situation (my sister has 3 boys as well, only difference is that she did this with her middle child) this would be my suggestion...

Give your child the ability to aid in the decision or do what my sister did and give him the chance to make the ultimate decision. This puts the decision "in their court". Point out the positives in holding your child back for example, he will have an additional year of golf under his belt when competing against others. My sister did this with her son in 7th grade (who plays football), so a similar circumstance to yours and it has done wonders for him socially. Like your son, he was excelling academically but socially failing. My sister didn't want this to affect him in his high school years so she decided to go for it. My nephew ultimately decided to stay back - a hard decision since it meant he was in the same grade as his younger brother but seeing him now as a junior in high school on the varsity football team and walking tall, the right decision was made and I am very happy for him. He has gone from a slumped over boy to a standing tall young man. I hope this helps, I just wanted to give another view since everyone else is saying not to hold him back.
> 60 days ago

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