I am not sure I have an answer for you, however I conpletely understand what you are going through. My son just turned 5 and for the last year I have wanted to pull my hair out. He is rude disrespectful, doesn't listen, hard to redirect and just downright aweful. When was the last time you heard of a 5 year old spending a good amount of time in the principals office. That's where my son spends his time, for being mean to other children, not doing what he is told, throwing tantrums in class, being rude to staff. I find myself watching Super Nanny alot and trying my best to follow through with her advice. I am also sad. "What happened to my loving baby boy." My son was very premature and socially not mature for his age. He is smart and funny but the bad behavior over shadows that a lot of the time. I have taken him recently to see a doctor and after debating long and hard, doing research talking with other parents I have put him on some medication. I didn't want to but, I wanted him to be able to reach his full potential in school and at home. I wanted my little boyt back. I am happy to say that 75% of the time he is much better behaved. I can't ask for better than that. He's 5, he is going to mis behave at some point. He is much happier, not being is trouble so much is good and he is focusing better on his school work, because he is not hanging out with the principal. Medication is not for everyone and it's a personal decision. I didn't want to be "That mom", but it's not about me, it's about my son and I think I did what was best for him at this time.  Good luck.