why is my 7 year old daughter good at school and bad at home?
My daughter is 7 years old and has been very well behaved at school and does average academically. At home she is difficult. doesn't pick up, fights homework, is defiant, questions my expectations and rules, hits and is mean to her 4 year old brother, is destructive to our furniture, gets into things that she knows she is not allowed to touch. she also says that we (her parents don't care about her when we discipline her) an example would be when she fell in the house and said she hurt her leg. my response was that she shouldn't be fooling around and she responds by saying "so, you don't care if I'm hurt?" of course we do, but this is her way of being difficult. At 4 she was diagnosed w/ sensory perception dysfunction, but has really overcome a lot of it. she also suffers from anxiety. She also has a friend who decides not to b my daughters or to be a friend every other week. I thought she learned this mouthiness from her friend, but it even goes on when it is just us. Socially she is awkward about goodbyes, has trouble with answering the door and is rude. She'll answer the door and say" i can't play right now"! and will slam door. we have worked with her on this but it is still a problem. she has an iep at school for social emotional but the teachers and everyone in the building see non of these behaviors at school and r ready to remove the iep. Why are we the only ones who see this behavior? a few friends see it too. please help
It's time for counseling. Start with your pediatrician. Most of us work with behaviorists who can counsel on home discipline. Clearly she is doing well at school which works against a diagnosis of ADHD or Aspergers. Keep your wits about you when you confront situations at home and be firm but re-affirming. Good luck and keep working on the resolution.
Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics