Ebberz asks:

My 8 year old wants to be a girl.

My son has always wanted to be a girl.This goes back to when he met his female cousin, that was born 1 day after him.They used to have parties together.He got blue cake, & she got pink.She got dolls, & he got trucks,etc. He always had fascination with hers.When he was 3-4, he started liking girl things. My mom was convinced it was a phase, & let him play with girly things. She said that kids tend to rebel against restrictions, & if I let him play w/harmless things, like dolls, he'd grow out of wanting to play with them. I didn't really listen to her, b/c of the urge to teach him "right from wrong" & societal gender roles.
Fast-forward 4 years, & I'm still dealing with these issues,& now it's become a problem in school & for our family.
Last year, my son told everyone to call him Jessica.Since the 1st grade, he has been telling students he is a girl.It's now effecting his school life.He sneaks my clothes & shoes to school. He sits & draws female cartoons instead of school work.(Very detailed drawings & quite good, I must admit.1 of them is my profile pic.) I believe that,b/c we don't let him do these things at home, he sees school is an outlet to hide it.
Now, whenever I visit his class, several students come to me and ask, "Is J a boy or a girl?", b/c they're confused. It's very hurtful, especially when I get strange looks from teachers & parents.The parents think I'm doing something wrong. Any advice on how to deal w/having to explain what's going on to other adults?
Member Added on Nov 10, 2011
Also, I would like to help my son with accepting himself as a boy. I believe it is very important for him to love himself for who he is. We all want things in life that we can't have, and no matter what, he will never be a girl. I don't want gender issues to get in the way of his life successes.
Whether we like it or not, some things are not acceptable in our society. It's true that you can pretend to be anything you want, but other people have the choice not to accept it, especially when it effects them. What my son is doing is distracting class and causing other students to divert their focus onto what he has going on in his own head. Asking him to keep it to himself, as our therapist has suggested, has only caused him to keep it bottled inside, and find ways to lie about it.
I would rather find a way to teach him to accept the facts of life. For example, I'm black, and some people in our culture want to have a lighter complexion. There have been several campaigns (My black is beautiful for example) to convince people to love themselves with the skin they were born with. Why is it any different than accepting yourself as a boy, when you were born that way?
In Topics: Cognitive development, Self esteem and identity
> 60 days ago



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