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ramzan834
ramzan834 asks:
Q:

How to help a 9 year old kid at home to prevent from being aggressive?

My child is 9year old.he is the second of three.he is very good at his studies and other activities.A talented and sensitive kid.

Even though he's good his teacher always insults him and punish him for nothing.so he's so upset and complains about it.At home I calm him down and he's little OK.but he gets angry very soon gets upset and cries allot.earlier he was not like this.I think he shows out his stress by being violent at home.He doesn't like to show that he's wrong or he's the looser in games or etc...

He always fights with parents elders and with his siblings.sometimes tries to hurt physically.uses words like fool,mental,etc.....scolds others in a way which can hurt others.he has the freedom to play,watch TV,meet friends do,his works,talk free....but I don't know why he acts like this.

He also fight with his 2year old brother also used to trouble him.and the brother also wants what his brother wants.so both starts to fight.I'm so poor to deal with this situation.

How can I bring him up?Is it OK to punish him?what kinds of punishments will work out?I want solutions for all these questions?specialy to stop him being aggressive.
In Topics: Bullying and teasing, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Aug 5, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

Thank you for writing to www.education.com with your parenting concerns. It is great that you are looking for answers for the behavior problems your son is experiencing. While the teacher has the job of teaching your son the academic lessons he needs to build educational success, your job as his parent is to teach him the social skills he needs for success.

Many parents don't realize how much of their role is that of a teacher. It is never too late to start seeing yourself in that role or to learn what you need to learn to help your son. Social skills are the skills of getting along with others and accepting authority that all people need to learn to be successful. Developing a plan of what to teach first and how to teach will be important. Issuing consequences for behavior will be part of that plan. It isn't always easy to know where to start.

Luckily, there are many people that are struggling with the same issues you mention. As a result, there are many resources that would help you to develop your skills as a parent. Because your son is struggling in school, one of your first steps might be to ask to meet with the classroom teacher.  A teacher has usually had more formal child development and behavior management training and could help you to know which social skills your son needs help learning.  Fortunately, your son can be taught all of what he needs to know to be more successful in his relationships, at home and in school.  He can be taught self control which will help to keep him and others safe.

Several parenting books address the role of a parent as a teacher. The Boys Town organization has adopted this philosophy and has several tools besides books to help you find answers.

For instance, trained parenting counselors are available at the Boys Town National Hotline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can reach the Hotline by dialing 1-800-448-3000. Counselors are there to help provide you with the advice and parenting answers you need in a helpful, supportive manner.  The Hotline staff also offer parenting guidance through email. The email address is hotline@boystown.org. Lastly, the Boys Town sponsored website of www.parenting.org can help you to review some very specific information on the social skills that your son needs to learn including skill steps and simple methods on how to teach those skills.

You are doing the right thing by looking for answers and seeking help from others.  Parenting is a tough job.  Stay open to the solutions being offered and remember that your son can learn from you the behavioral skills he needs to succeed.

Thanks again for writing to www.education.com.  

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000


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Additional Answers (5)

CreativeRachna
CreativeRac... , Child Professional, Teacher writes:
I'm sorry to hear about your son.  It sounds like you are really frustrated.  I'm concerned that you say his teacher insults him.  Insulting a student whether in front of his peers or separately is never the answer.  He maybe acting out due to the stress of being taunted by his teacher.  I would suggest you talk to the teacher and find out what's going on at school.  If the teacher is not really insulting him, but actively and constructively simply just attempting to discipline him, then he may just need some discipline at home.

I'm sending you a few reference articles.  The first one is how to talk to the school instructors regarding topics such as the above.

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Communicating_Childs/

The next article is how to discipline your child in a positive manner.

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Parenting_Elementary/

I hope these help,
Rachna
> 60 days ago

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radha
radha writes:
archana ma'am, I feel sorry. but for this you have ask to teacher as well as about your child's behaviour in school. One  more thing is that you and your  family members may give more attention to younger child. this may makes his  nobody is concentrating to me or he is feeling unsecuredue to family members above behaviour
> 60 days ago

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Loddie1
Loddie1 , Parent writes:
Well, one thing I noticed about your post was the teacher comment. And while I understand some teachers are not the best, I would start here. Having a better understanding of why the teacher focuses on your son and why she reacts the way she does will help you. Strengthen your relationship with the people who can help you.
Then I would set at least an hour a day to talk to your son. Ask him to tell you some good things that happened, bad, and favorite. Simply taking the time to acknowledge his feelings may make his attitude better. Plus, it is a way for him to release any stresses that happen during the day and shows you care. As far as punishment goes, I first seek to understand "why" a child acts the way he or she does before doing a punishment. Sometimes we need to sit back and reflect on circumstance. AS far as being poor, being poor has nothing to do with training your child up the way he or she should be. Abraham Lincoln came from a poor family, but somebody brought him up with dignity and morals. You can raise your children to be the best kids out there, you just need some direction and support on parenting. I would try reading and educating yourself as much as possible. Your local library would be a great place to start. Plus, your children can enjoy it.  Good Luck
> 60 days ago

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EdieRaether
EdieRaether , Teacher writes:
It is much tougher to be a parent today than it had been years ago.  Back then, parents had more influence and control as there was not all the competition for control that the internet has introduced.

Catch Your Kids Doing Something Right!

While we all as parents are guilty of finding what our children do wrong and often forget to give that much needed pat on the back, the fact is that where our attention goes is where your childâs attention also goes. Now, why would you want them to pay more attention to what they do wrong because what a child pays attention to determines how they will behave.
The more attentive you are to what your child is doing right and then recognize the good work, the more motivated your child will be to learn and do the right thing. Positive energy from someone we care about gives an emotional boost that causes one to become self-motivated which makes parenting easy and much more fun. Hereâs a bonus tip. When you compliment your child on a job that could have been done better, guess what. Next time it will be!

Please let me help!
I am a speaker and author on Bullying and also have a character building program for kids that transforms potential into possibilities. See www.stopbullyingwithedie.com and www.wingsforwishes.com .
Good Synergy to make things happen!
Edie

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EdieRaether
EdieRaether , Teacher writes:
I would be angry if I got punished for no good reason.  If, in fact, that is true, you must see to it that the teacher no longer continues with this unacceptable behavior.  The anger gets bottled up and then he takes it out on innocent siblings.  
You must get to the bottom of his anger.  You may need help from a professional on how to better communicate and find healthy outlets fro his anger...but it is best to prevent the anger and like I said...I would be angry too if I were punished for no good reason.  Besides, I personally am not for punishment but for "CONSEQUENCES" for one's choices.  It teaches INTERNAL motivation.
> 60 days ago

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