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struggling
struggling asks:
Q:

I just need some advice on my 12 year old daughter....

My daughter is a pretty good kid and we have struggled for years with her and her grades. She is ADHD. We have tried many different types of discipline....nothing seems to get through to her. This year her grades have improved..thank goodness. But her defiancy and lack of respect has not. When she does get in trouble...and it's not like we beat her or scream at her or berate her....I find these notes that she writes. Here is an example:
Mackenzie is sh*t! She doesn't work like the rest! Get rid of her!
Now...here is my question: What do I do about it????? We always make sure to tell her all of the things we are proud of her for and how much we love her. But there has to be consequences as far as her defiancy and lack of respect and lying.
In Topics: Learning issues and special needs, Self esteem and identity, ADHD & attention issues
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Wayne Yankus
Mar 17, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

Dear Struggling:

It is important to understand that 37% of kids with ADHD also have an additional diagnosis which is sometimes oppositional defiant behavior.  If you can, parent daughter counseling may be helpful to have her understand that some of her rants may land her in trouble or be interpreted as bullying. Go back to the physician who prescribes the medication for the ADHD and ask her/him what to do about the behavior.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics

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Additional Answers (2)

Educationforlife
Educationfo... , Teacher writes:
Have you tried a token economy? Such as a rewards and consequences system in the house? For example, if she is respectful all week and does not lie you could reward her at the end of the week with a $10 allowance or a trip to get ice cream, etc. If she does lie and is disrespectful you can take the reward away. But it has to be something that sounds appealing to her and you must be consistent about taking it away when she does not earn it.
Also, have you asked her about the letters you have found and why she writes such things?
> 60 days ago

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struggling
struggling writes:
Yeah...we tried rewards and consequences...it worked briefly and then not at all. We asked her about the notes too...she just stares at us blankly and says I don't know or that's how I felt. We signed her up for counceling to see if that helps.
> 60 days ago

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