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armyfrogs
armyfrogs asks:
Q:

I need advice on dealing with 7 and 8 year old step kids playing "doctor".

My daughter is on the autism spectrum but is very high functioning only delayed basically in social and impulse control.  My boyfriends son is 8 and she is almost 8 and he has had issues in the past with being inappropriate at school with other girls and my daughter though she tattles when he tried.  And then tonight he tells me a few days ago she took off her pants and underwear in our bedroom infront of him.  I asked her about it and she denies is to tears that he is lying to me and he swears up and down he isn't.  Im at my wits end with stress on how to handle this I don't know who to believe my daughter even added when asked that he hasn't even tried asking her that since the last time it happen that we handled.  I know kids will be kids and explore and lie to get the other in trouble.  Just hard time coping with him waiting a few days to tell on her when she tattled so quickly on him....I don't want to freak out and start screaming at them but I do want to try to get to the bottom of this.  Any advice from the moms out there and dads!
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges, Communicating with my child (The tough talks), Parenting siblings
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jul 27, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

You're correct that a certain amount of play and exploration is normal. However, since there is a history of questionable behavior, it's important that the kids are not put in a situation that is unsafe or unhealthy for either of them. In addition to the boy's history, at the age of 8, both kids should know the difference between inappropriate and appropriate touching.

It sounds like your daughter and your boyfriends son need to sit down with you both and have a discussion about appropriate boundaries. Remind them that no one is allowed to touch their body except the doctor and only if mom or dad is in the room. Explain that when playing pretend games, it's not OK to touch each other, or undress in front of each other. It's clear that until they can show that they can play appropriately, they should not be allowed to play together unless they are supervised. Keep an eye out for borderline inappropriate behaviors and be sure to redirect or stop the behavior immediately when you see it.

Sexual development can be a very intimidating topic to talk to children about. If you want to talk with someone further about this topic make an appointment with your pediatrician. You are also welcome to give us a call at the Boys Town National Hotline. Our crisis counselors are available 24/7.

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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princess_diana
princess_di... writes:
Hi well i am 18 and i don't have kids but i have worked in day cares and many doctors office and have delt with situations like yours...When you asked your daughter if what she did was true did u sream at her or made her scared in any way when dealing with kids you have to come off nice caring like you care and let her no lieing is not good and please dont hit your kids..And maybe she will tell the truth.. Its time for you to give your kids the birds and the bees talk even though your daughter has autism she can still learn and copie of what other people do..and she must have seen someone doing something to do these type of acts and to know how to lie..so be careful about what you do infront of your child and maybe you should punish her so she can learn right from wrong and let her know what she doing is not right and you dont lose your mind just breath in and out of do yoga they are just kids dont show your weak side and you should be great
> 60 days ago

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