My boyfriend of 4 years has a 9 year old daughter.  She is very sweet, we get along well, and so far so good.  I've known her for almost 3 years.

When she visits, my boyfriend is very affectionate with her; they hold hands, hug, and generally interacts with her in a very loving, tender way.  With me, he is normally very affectionate, but when his daughter visits, he becomes a robot that treats me like a friend; no touching, hugging, kissing, holding hands, or affection.  I feel hurt, excluded, and a little jealous of him being affectionate with only her.  

I want to do what is best for her, and do not expect to be the center of attn when she visits.  But, I feel crowded out emotionally, and would like to hold hands, and be affectionate when we say hello and goodbye.

What is appropriate?  I feel guilty and afraid I'm being selfish, but don't understand how acting like a healthy couple harms his daughter.