What can I do about aggressive child and lying?

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desperatemum asks:

My son is on report at school, becuase he keeps hitting other children. I am desperate, I do not know why he cannot control his aggresion. He gets frustrated easily and is quick tempered. He is also very imagniative and bright. Due to recent incidents the school are threatening to exclude him and place him in a special school. He is aged 5 but when he was three he was bullied by a group of boys at nursary. The hit him and stopped him playing with them. He desperatley wanted to be in their gang. The boys were obsessed with showing their bottoms. I told my son to report these incidents to his teacher. One day my son told my that a boy had forced his fonger into his bottom. I was very shocked. My son moved to another school. In this school too boys have been exploring and my son was caught putting his hand down a boys pants. Son said the other boy asked him to but later confessed to the teacher that he hadn't. He then told me he had seen two boys that he wants to befriend licking each others willys! I was horrified. My son knows nothing about this subject! I went to advise the school. My son was questioned and eventually told them he was confused and meant to tell me that he had heard they were going to do this. The school are very concerned and have refered him to a phychiatrist. I cannot trust him or stop him hurting others. What can I do?

In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

May 20, 2009

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What the Expert Says:

I can tell you are very concerned for your son and the other children he spends time with. It sounds like your son is dealing with many emotions that he doesn't know how to handle appropriately. Please do not blame yourself for his behaviors. You did not teach him to touch other kids' body parts. This is something he learned on his own. The most important thing is that you are addressing these issues now, and are asking for help in getting him the help he needs.

It's common for young kids to be curious about their bodies and body parts. However, when a child begins to act on these feelings even after being told that it's not ok, it's time to take the next step in helping him realize appropriate boundaries. You son could be acting out in this way for a variety of reasons. It may be a good idea to make an appointment with a child psychologist to have him evaluaed. It may help to have another adult explain to him the difference between "good" touch and "bad" touch, and also what it means to have boundaries and private space. A psychologist can also help you as a parent learn how to deal with your son's negative behaviors the best way. You may also want to talk to your son's pediatrician to see what suggestions they may have for handling his behavior.

You don't have to go through this alone. It's great that you are reaching out for help. You may also talk to a crisis counselor by calling our hotline at 1-800-448-3000.

Take Care,
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (1)

Loddie1 , Parent writes:

Due to the special circumstances that you mentioned to happened to him, he needs counseling. By what you are saying he was assaulted in more than one way and no telling how many times at his old school. His relations with others was learned at this environment and needs to be reversed. One suggestion I would do is art therapy. You can try this at home. A book I would recommend is The Way I Feel by Janan Cain. Read this book to him and then weekly ask him to draw how he feels. Ask him to draw a good thing one day, a funny thing, a sad thing..etc.
You will be surprised in what you get and then simply talk about emotions with him. Anger is something that everyone feels but has to be controlled. However, considering his special circumstance it seems he was violated and this needs to be addressed. I'm sorry this happened to him and wish you the best of luck.

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