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jennserran
jennserran asks:
Q:

How should I approach the parents of my child's bullier?

I want to talk to the parents of the bullier before taking it to the school admin staff.  Any suggestions on approach?
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jun 24, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

First, I would suggest that you talk to your child's classroom teacher, to see if anything can be done to stop the bullying and also alert appropriate staff members at the school. However, if you feel that talking to the parents of the bullier first is the best way, then your approach will be the most important part. When parents are confronted with something negative about their children its common that they become instantly defensive. To avoid that response, ask the bulliers parents through email or phone if there is a time you could get together and talk for a few minutes face to face about some concerns with the way your children play together. Don't say "You kid is bullying mine, and I want to talk to you about it." Approach the topic with a kind and loving attitude.

When you do meet, speak with a non-accusatory and calm voice tone. They may not even know any of this is happening, so try to be understanding of their point of view. Start by pointing out a few of the positive things about their child. Then explain your concerns using "I" statements such as "I am concerned" or "I am worried because_______." Avoid saying "your kid" in sentences, but rather, explain how the the bullying occurs saying things such as: "my child feels hurt when ___ happens," or "when ___ happened it really made (child's name) sad.)

When you are done expressing your concerns, have a few ideas ready for how the situation might be remedied. Ask them if they are willing to work with you and your child to make things better between the kids. Of course, give them time to explain their side of things and offer any suggestions they may have to help the situation.  Good luck!

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (3)

hobo40
hobo40 writes:
My son has recently been bullied by a boy in the grade above him.
We contacted the parents and they seemed to think their son was perfect and that he would never do something like that.  We then contacted the school and they contacted the authorities.  My son is in his freshmen year and this thing has blown up to be something uncontrollable and pointless.  The school admin suspended my son and the boy because they were a disruptance and it did nothing but put a bad record on my son depsite him doing nothing.
Make sure you know their rule about that kind of thing... because the school my son goes to definitly punishes anyone involved.
> 60 days ago

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faxy
faxy writes:
i will fist talk to the parents of the bullier before taking it to the school supervisors or principals.
> 60 days ago

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CreativeRachna
CreativeRac... , Child Professional, Teacher writes:
I'm sorry to hear that your child is being bullied.  Many parents do not want to hear or accept that their child is victimizing another child and is at fault.  To ease the difficult talk, I'm including some excellent reference articles detailing parents of bullies.

http://www.education.com/reference/article/childhood-victims-bullies-their-parents/

The second article describes the five actions you can take after realizing your child is being bullied.  The article states talking to school authorities right away.  

http://www.education.com/reference/article/actions-take-child-involved-bullying/

I hope this helps! Good luck with your child,
Rachna
> 60 days ago

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