What to do about battles with 16 year old?

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education.com asks:

"I don't know what to do, if I tell my sixteen year old no for anything it turns into a huge battle. I have twice had to have the authorities come out, but they tell me it is a typical teenager.

Also she is so rude to me, if I ask her a question she just snaps at me. one minute she is nice to me the next she hates me. If I try to give her advice she will literally tell me to shut up. I need help, I am ready to run away myself."

Asked by Julie, after reading the article, "Keeping Your Teen Out of Trouble":
http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Keepi...

In Topics: Teen issues, Discipline and behavior challenges

> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline

Jul 27, 2009

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What the Expert Says:

Parenting a teenager can be very frustrating and difficult at times. A certain amount of disagreement between parent and teenager is normal, but it sounds like your situation has begun to escalate to a point where you are not sure what to do next. Because parent/teen situations are so complex, I would first encourage you to call our hotline and speak to one of our crisis counselors. We can be reached by calling 1-800-448-3000. It's free to call and we're here 24/7!

It sounds like you are feeling as if you have run out of options. I assure you that there are always other options! Don't give up! I'm sure you are doing lots of good things, your teen is simply still choosing to make bad decisions. Besides Boys Town, there are lots of other agencies out there that can help. Have you tried family counseling? If not, that's a good next step. It often helps to have an unbiased third party to help talk to your teen and explain to them that the way they are acting is unacceptable. You can get referrals for counseling from your pediatrician, school counselor, or by calling our hotline.

You mentioned that your teen continues to talk back to you and treat you disrespectfully. Have you discussed with them the specific behaviors and attitudes that you've witnessed that are unacceptable? Also, do they know what the consequences will be when they call you names, or act disrespectfully? If not, sit down and write out the consequences with them. Give them a copy. Then be willing to follow through with those consequences when necessary. Consistency is important. What things in your teens life could use a little more consistency? Are they involved in any organized activities, sports, or church groups? Do they have any other trusted adults they can go to when they're upset or just need to talk?

Making even small changes in some of these areas can make a big difference. Time and patience on your part are important!! Again, feel free to call us anytime so we can get a better picture of what's going on and find out what type of help you are looking for.

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (2)

AGGreen writes:

Your child is only 3 years younger than me, so I will try and go back to that age. First off, your child IS listening to you, no matter how many times they say shut up and slam the door. So don't worry about that. When she blows up in your face about something, let her blow off some steam in her room, and then go up to her room to visit with her and talk a few minutes later. I hoped I helped with my answer.

> 60 days ago

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ginaa , Teacher writes:

Hi Julie,

Sounds like you've been having a rocky time of it. Hang in there. It's been stated so many times that it sounds like a cliche, but it's true, Teens are going through through so many physical and emotional changes that irrational behavior is more the norm than the exception. You are the parent, so you have to be the one setting boundaries - and that means saying no once in a while. But don't be fazed by her reactions, and word your own responses to her carefully. Take a few monutes to cool off before you back in and talk to her about the behavior, not about her as a person. Also, you may need to pick your battles. Teenage years are a time to try out new things and find your personality. So if something she's doing is strange but not hurtful or harmful to anyone, just smile and put it down to hormones!

A couple of links to articles with advice on how to frame tough discussions with teenagers. Hope they help!
http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_How_Solve_Problems/
http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Teenagers_2/
http://www.education.com/magazine/article/How_Talk_Teenager/

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