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elizabeth18
elizabeth18 asks:
Q:

i want a boyfriend but my mom doesn't know. How do I start a conversation with her?

I like this guy and he wants to go out with me. How do I tell my mom about him and when is the best time too?
In Topics: Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 22, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Hi Elizabeth,

You don't mention your age or if your mom has set guidelines about when she will allow you to date. Most of the time, it is best to wait to date alone with a boy until you are at least 16 years old. When you are younger than this, it is recommended for boys and girls to be together in groups with adult supervision, at a location where they are not completely alone such as a mall or a movie or at a friend's house when a parent is home.

When kids are in middle school they should not be allowed to date. Many kids this age say they have a boyfriend or girlfriend but they only see each other at school. That is OK as long as they are not sneaking around to see each other or are engaging in sexual contact. Kids this age are not yet emotionally mature enough to always make responsible decisions and can be easily swayed by their peers.

Try talking to your mom when things are calm and you feel you have her undivided attention. Tell her that you were wondering about her rules on dating because there is a boy who has asked you to go out with him. Let her know that you do not want to go behind her back and that you would like to be honest with her, and her to be honest with you. If you are at the age she will allow you to date, ask if you could bring him over to your house first so she can meet him before you go on an official date.

If you would like to talk in more detail about this or any other issue, please call or e-mail our Hotline. We also have a website for teenagers: www.yourlifeyourvoice.org
We are here 24 hours, 7 days a week to listen and to support teens and parents through any problem!

Take care and best to you!

Cynthia, Crisis Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
yourlifeyourvoice@boystown.org

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Additional Answers (3)

tjmcmahan
tjmcmahan writes:
Depending on how old you are as well as factors affecting the boy this can be wholly appropriate or a considerably problem.

The best method of approach here is to directly tell your mother in a mature and honest fashion and tell her precisely how you are feeling. This will require some level of tact, however honesty is the best policy.

The reason which this is advisable is that, if you are able to show a level of maturity and trust with your mother, it is more likely that she will be able to treat you with respect and trust. Situations of this nature are frequently predicated upon you earning the trust of your mother and showing her that this is something you are ready for.

The necessary level of tact is that you want to be mature to your mother, however there is no need to shock her either. This depends entirely upon how old you are, how protective and conservative you mother is. You should ideally find a way to express your feelings without terrifying your mother or forcing the thought of her daughter growing up too fast.

The final piece of advice I can recommend would be to suggest and work to introduce your mother to this boy so that she can get to know him, what he is like, how he treats you, his mentality towards women, etc. If this is something that you are adverse to for honest reasons (you are afraid she wont like him because of issues with him) then you should find a different boy that has the right mentality and attitude.

best of luck.
> 60 days ago

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cracked
cracked writes:
well i would tell her when she not doing nothing and ask her caom and sit down next to you and tell her about him and tell her why you what to go out with him
> 60 days ago

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tomgourd
tomgourd writes:
just start the chat with somthing with your mom then ask if it'll be ok with you having a b-friend.
> 60 days ago

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