Education.com
Try
Brainzy
Try
Plus
vico
vico asks:
Q:

What should I do about my boyfriend who is doing illegal stuff?

I been with my boyfriend for 5 years and me and my mom just found out that he does illegal stuff in the street she wants me to brake up with him, But i love him. . . . . What should i do?
In Topics: Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 23, 2009
Subscribe to Expert

What the Expert Says:

There are a few things you can do. You are dealing with a difficult situation and sometimes you may have many different feelings.
Anytime you have a relationship with someone, the best thing to remember is to let them know how you feel. Remember you can not control others and what choices they make, but you can express your feelings to them. Try talking with your mother and let her know how much you care for this guy. Your mom may not be receptive to your concerns, but due to the severity of his choices and behaviors, she is looking out for your best interests. He could be facing some legal consequences for his illegal choices, and your mom just wants the best for you and help you make good decisions. Your mom does not want you to get caught up in his bad decisions.
It is tough to understand and respect parents decisions at times, but try and focus on talking with her. Is there a possibility that he can get help, so he does not have to feel like he has to make these illegal dangerous decisions for himself? Are you able to help him? Ask your mom if she will let you talk with him and let him know that due to his decisions, you can not exclusively date him anymore, and this makes you feel upset and sad. If he is willing to hear and listen to your concerns, then he is also willing to change as he will be concerned about you. If he is not willing to talk to you and change, then you will know if he is serious about relationships and serious about having a relationship with you. Good healthy relationships are based on honesty, trust and communication. So, do the best you can to explain to your mom and to your boyfriend (with your mom's permission) how you feel.
If you need someone to talk to, you can call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000. We have counselors available 24/7 and we talk with kids and parents about various issues. Take care and consider giving us a call.
 
Resources:

Did you find this answer useful?
3
yes
0
no

Additional Answers (3)

lidasiah
lidasiah writes:
Hello, Vico!

This is never an easy situation to be in, especially since you have been with your boyfriend for such a long time.  I am sure that by now, you have developed a level of trust in him and feel that what he does illegally can be overcome by your "love" for him.  I work with a lot of young people and I always ask them, "What kind of life do you want for yourself?" and "How much does your boyfriend really 'love' you?" so I am asking you to ask yourself those same questions.

So, let's take a look at the first question: "What kind of life do you want for yourself?" I can tell you from personal experience that if your boyfriend is involved in illegal activities right now, he is setting himself up for a destructive future.  Young ladies have to be very careful about the "lies" that we allow ourselves to believe out of the mouths of our boyfriends.  What information has he told you?  Is this just his "way to make it" for now, but will "get out the game" when the time is right?  If so, then I would recommend that you spend some time apart until he gets "out the game" (whatever that may be).  Understand that you could easily become "guilty by association", putting yourself in a situation that could become detrimental to your well-being and future, just because he is involved in that lifestyle.  If you don't desire to spend your time now and time in the future inside of police precincts, worrying about whether he will get caught or arrested while you are with him, or having to talk to him through a telephone while looking at him through a plexiglass window, then I would recommend that you find a way to break away from him because that is where your future is headed if he continues his illegal behaviors and you stay with him.

So that brings me to question #2:  "How much does your boyfriend REALLY love you?" It seems that you are willing to risk your well-being and livelihood to stay with him, but how willing is he to change his ways to stay with you? This is a great way to test a man's love for you and his character. Letting go of his illegal habits and making good choices for himself is in the best interest of both you and him and would prove to you that he really cares as much about you as you do about him.  The reality is if he does not want to improve his life for the sake of your relationship, then he does not deserve to have you and you need to let him go.  It may be very difficult for you to do, but in the long run, you both will be better off.  
 
I wish you both the very best!
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
3
yes
1
no
debbievelasguez
debbievelas... writes:
you should break up with him because whathappens if he does something really illigo and gets you into trouble
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
2
yes
0
no
New'New
New'New , Student writes:
There is others to love boys come in the future, more to come more to love brake up with him b/c you never know you could get hurt to just by being his girlfriend!  Just an idea think on that let it margnate it is a very hard thing! 5 years is a long time ask him to stop if you really care so much tell him how you feel!
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
1
yes
0
no
Answer this question