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Loving asks:
Q:

My boyfriends kids and I r verry close.Am i wrong for considering them my stepkids.Even though me and my boyfriend aren't married?????

In Topics: Blended families
> 60 days ago

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Expert

ShirleyCressDudley
Mar 24, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

It's wonderful that you consider them your stepkids.  You may or may not live in the same home, but you are taking on the responsibilities of the mom in your boyfriend's home.  It's wonderful to share in this joy and responsibility.

The only concern that I have is that you and your boyfriend are heading down a path towards more permanent commitment. It's tough on kids, and you don't want them getting used to you as a stepmom, if this relationship is not long term.

I wish you the very best. You have opened your heart to your boyfriend and also to his kids, and it sounds like they love you in return. There's always room in our hearts for more love, and you have found that secret.

Kindest Regards,

Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC NCC
Founder of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
Author of the best selling book, Blended Family Advice
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Additional Answers (6)

ebhs
ebhs writes:
you can't be wrong for that because you are not marrige to the man and if you want people to think thats your stepkids say that your stepkids their is no one in this world can stop you from saying their your and they can't do any thing about it thank you for your imformaion and if you need me you answer any more of your question's my e-mail is anthonynorwood13@hotmail.com
> 60 days ago

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sallen608
sallen608 writes:
It is great that you are so close with your boyfriend's kids, but remember at this point he is still a boyfriend.  I am not suggesting that you treat the children any different, but you have to be very careful of using words like step-mom and step-kids.  Sometimes the relationship does work out and the children are left wondering what happened to their step-mom.  So cross that bridge when you get to it, but for right now they could call you Debbie or Ms. Debbie until you all get married.
> 60 days ago

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Nicky0125
Nicky0125 writes:
Hi. We are on the same boat. My boyfriend has 3 kids and I have 2. His kids love me! and they are the sweetest. When I am talking to distant family members or acquaintances, I refer to them as my "step kids" but if it is a close friend or family or knows our situation, I call them by name. All for all if you two are have been together for some time and you play a role in caring for the kids, what does it matter if you are married or not to care for them as your own. I do. For the time being, they are under my care and there for are my step kids.
> 60 days ago

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ebhs
ebhs writes:
why would your kid think your married and if you would think you would tell them and if you was they would know becasue for one the ring or the ceremony
> 60 days ago

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BradenLover
BradenLover writes:
No.If you and your boyfriend do get married, you will be very close with the kids and him.
> 60 days ago

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kazandra
kazandra writes:
yah you steel need to practice becuase when you and your  boy friend are married you willl need to considerd as your  children
> 60 days ago

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