Anonymous asks:

Why don't my boys ever defend me to their verbally abusive father?

My boys are 9 and 11. My ex is verbally abusive to me and the boys. The boys always take their father's side and they never defend me.  They live with me, and see their dad every weekend. They stick to their dad like glue, and they tell me they hate me, they don't like me or love me. I am crushed.
In Topics: Communicating with my child (The tough talks)
> 60 days ago



Apr 22, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Hello and thank you for writing to JustAsk,

I wish I had easy answers, but I am afraid I do not.  What I do have are these suggestions-

1- Please consider connecting with a counselor who can help you frame your situation and help you find the answers you are seeking.  You may find a counselor in your area who specializes with abused women. If you cannot find a counselor or  clinic for abused women then you may find contact information by connecting with   a local church, library or school may have this information.  Also, your phone book may have a hotline to call.  Please consider doing so if you feel threatened by your ex or children.

2- Also think about consulting with the children's guidance counselor to see if there are school programs to help better this situation.  This may include an anti-bullying program or a family - relationships counseling program.

I can feel your heart breaking.  Please try and consider getting the local help you so desperately are seeking.

I wish you the best.

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Additional Answers (1)

Karenmom writes:
I'm sorry to hear that you are in this terrible situation, but please do not expect your 9 & 11 year old to defend you or take sides with anyone.  At their age, they are probably confused and have feelings of anger that they take out on you at times.  The wonderful thing is that the love between a mother and child is unconditional and you must show them your sincere love unconditionally at all times regardless of their actions or words.  You may want to consider a family counselor to help you all to understand and get through this tough situation.  Best Wishes!!
> 60 days ago

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