Hi, Sandra,

We're sorry to hear that you're being bullied.  Bullying is so hurtful, so we can only imagine how bad you're feeling.  Your idea to stand up to the bullies isn't necessarily a bad one, but you definitely want to make sure it's the best option and that you do it right.

First, ask yourself if you think approaching the bullies will make things worse.  A lot of times, it really doesn't feel like the bullying can get any worse.  If you feel like that's a risk you're willing to take, then approaching them is an option.  (With bullies, there's probably risks involved with every option you have!)

Second, try to approach the person who is really instigating the bullying.  A lot of times, bullies are followers, and there's a "main bully" that's really fueling the fire.  That's the person you want to talk to.

Third, try to approach them when they're on their own or not with many friends.  You don't want them to rally their bullies against you while you're trying to talk.

Fourth, "standing up" to a bully doesn't mean lowering yourself to their level.  What you basically want to communicate to them is that their behavior is hurtful and you want it to stop.  Don't be mean back to them.

Bullies are cowardly on the inside, so they pick victims whom they don't think will try to "fight back" or confront them.  By confronting them -- even maturely and non-aggressively -- you're showing strength that will make them uncomfortable.  That discomfort will either slow down the bullying or speed it up.

If you don't notice a change in the bullying (or it gets worse) after confronting them, definitely go to the school for help.

Good luck!

MKM, Counselor

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000