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carriesimpkins
carriesimpk... , Student asks:
Q:

what do you do when your child is getting blamed for bulling

IF SHE SAY SHE HAS NOT BULLIED NO ONE AND THE TEACHER SAID SHE DID OR SOMETHING DO YOU BACK YOUR CHILD UP 100% OR LISTEN TO THE TEACHER AND JUST TAKE HER BLACK X-BOX AND WHITE X-BOX AND TAKE HER RED WHITE AND BLACK WII AND HER PSP AND PS2 AND 3 ?                                                                                                                                                                      
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Oct 12, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

It is possible your daughter is not being fully honest with you. Meet in person with the teacher and your daughter to find out the facts. You want your daughter to respect her teachers and authority figures, and one of the best ways for her to learn this is to see that you respect them as well.

If your daughter did in fact do the things she was accused of by her teacher, she should face a consequence. Taking away electronic equipment can be a way of deterring her from treating others with disrespect, but a better approach would be to give her a consequence which will teach, not simply punish.

Make your daughter write a genuine apology letter to the child she bullied. If she refuses and continues to act out, sign her up to volunteer by helping others or working for a cause. There are hundreds of choices out there including at churches and schools. If your daughter was arrested for a misdemeanor crime and charged as a juvenile, most likely she would qualify for a diversion program where mandatory community service and counseling are the consequences. Many times when kids see how other people struggle and that their lives are not so bad, they start to become more responsible and realize how their actions affect others.

Please call or e-mail our Hotline for more guidance, or go to our website for parents: www.parenting.org Your daughter can also find support by going to our website for teens: www.yourlifeyourvoice.org We are here 24/7 to listen and help parents and kids of all ages. We will help with any problem, anytime.

Sincerely,

Cynthia, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
hotline@boystown.org
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Additional Answers (1)

EdEd
EdEd writes:
It's a tough situation because you weren't there and don't really know. I personally try to not take sides in situations where I don't know what happened. So, the first thing I'd do is try to figure out more about what happened. If you can't get to the bottom of it, stay out of it - sort of. One way to handle it is to reward or punish your daughter for some sort of behavior report she gets from school, like whether she was "on green" or got a "smiley face." That way, you aren't punishing her directly for something she did, but for the behavior level she was on. You can then stay out of the situation and tell your daughter, "I wasn't there, so it's not that I'm not believing you - I just want you to do well at school, and if you come home with a good report you get a reward, and you come home with a bad report, you have this consequence." The only problem with this would be if she keeps getting bad reports from school. In that case, you'd probably want to meet with the teacher and come up with a new plan, because the old system wasn't working.

In this situation, I wouldn't punish her for what she did. I'd punish her for getting a bad report at school.

One other thing to consider - try smaller consequences. If you jump right to the big consequence (like taking all of her game systems), she'll get used to it, and you won't have anything else to do with other situation. So, make consequences shorter (for example, taking her game system for 1 hour instead of 4 weeks), or less (for example, taking one game away, not the whole system). That way you have more things to take away if you need them later.
> 60 days ago

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